Have you seen this man?

Usually I will never write a blog immediately following a Yankees game, win or loss, simply because my emotions are still running high and I am unable to coherently piece together my thoughts to formulate any sense of rational thinking. Well, in life there are exceptions. This being one of them.

After the latest poor outing from Joba Chamberlain, I've come to realize that he cannot keep himself composed on the mound and that greatly affects his performance. Last Sunday against the Toronto Blue Jays, Chamberlain gave up 8 runs (3 earned) in 3.2 putrid innings. Everything unraveled for Joba in the 4th inning after third baseman Cody Ransom made an error. Once the error occurred, Joba lost his composure and promptly got pounded out of the game by an offensive onslaught from Toronto. Following that performance, Joba went on to say;

"I felt like I did a good job today. They're great hitters. I threw good pitches and they put good swings on it. They've been doing it all year. And they're going to continue to do it."

Then there was tonight's game against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Staked to a 4 - 1 lead, in the 5th inning, a close (but blown) call at second base by umpire Brian Gorman, an error by third baseman Alex Rodriguez and once again things completely spiraled out of control for Chamberlain. He promptly let up a 3-run game tying home-run to Angels first baseman Kendry Morales, then a rocket double to Designated Hitter Mike Napoli and was promptly pulled from the game. And how did he feel his outing tonight went?

"I felt I've been better in the last two (starts) but we came up against some good ball clubs. They hit mistakes and that is what they're supposed to do. You have to work your tail off, but the sun will come out tomorrow. I'll be the same person I was before."

Frankly, I've grown frustrated with his constant deflecting of his pitching and trying to put a positive spin on his outings. You cannot let up 13 runs in your past two starts, never pitch past the 5th inning and declare them "your two best starts of the season." I'm sorry, it just doesn't work that way. Not now, not ever.

Just once I would like Chamberlain to own up to his failures and struggles and say "you know what, I just plain stunk tonight." A.J. Burnett has done it, so has Andy Pettitte. Why can't Joba?

I think we've finally reached the point where something needs to be done about Chamberlain's ineffectiveness. Somewhere along the way he has lost his 97mph fastball and filthy slider with tremendous bite on it. I happen to believe it's because he's simply out of shape and needs to get better lower body conditioning done. (Felix Hernandez had the same problem, lost 25lbs in an off-season and has been one of the best pitchers in baseball this season). I'd like to think it could be something as fixable as that.

But, whatever it is, the Yankees cannot continue to run Chamberlain out there, only to see him labor through 4+ innings, then afterwards put the "they're a good team and they just put good swings on it" routine. I think the time has come that the Yankees need to send Mr. Chamberlain on a bus to Scranton and let him get some work in at the minor league level.

People tend to forget that a) Chamberlain is only 23 years old and b) he never had to earn his job in the rotation. Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy were handed jobs in the rotation last year and were absolutely killed anytime they pitched. This season? They both started the season out in the minors and had to earn calls back up to the big club. With Chamberlain, even despite a rocky spring training (where Phil Hughes out-pitched him), he had a guaranteed spot in the Yankee rotation.

I think that went to his head. Chamberlain has gotten FAR too complacent with his spot in the rotation and at times seems like he forgets that he's not a 10 year seasoned veteran, but is in fact a young, 23 year old hot-shot pitcher, with tremendous talent, but has yet to put up the consistent stats to back up his immense ego.

The fact that Chamberlain allows a bad umpiring decision, or a defensive miscue to rattle him so much, that it causes his entire game to spiral downward, shows a clear lack of maturity on the mound. Obviously it's because he is a young pitcher and the ability to compose one self will come with experience. That being said, Chamberlain lacks the same mature presence on the mound his younger teammate Phil Hughes possesses. Is that through any fault of Joba's? Not at all. I'm just simply stating that Chamberlain isn't as mentally prepared as Hughes. Chamberlain is still functioning with a rookie mind-set, while Hughes is walking around with a veterans swagger. Hughes has the utmost confidence in his ability and has begun to let his pitching do the talking for him.

With Joba, it's still all in the talking phase. His pure stuff and glimpses of greatness can sure talk the talk, but he's yet to consistently string it together and 'walk the walk' so to speak. He's lost the hunger he once had. The same hunger that Phil Hughes now brings with him to the mound every time the bullpen phone rings.

It's time something is done and I think that something is a short stint in the minor leagues. It wouldn't exactly be the worst thing that could happen to the Yankees or to Joba Chamberlain. He may simply need a few weeks just to get his game together, both mentally and physically and fine tune his mechanics.

Make him earn his job back. We forget that it was handed to him right out of Spring Training like it was some sort of divine right. I think that went to his head. Hell, it would go to my head too. I'd be the cockiest, most arrogant SOB around if that happened to me. Joba needs to be hungry. Let Kei Igawa or Sergio Mitre take his spot in the rotation for a couple weeks, they can't possibly do any worse at this point than Joba has recently. And frankly, they've both at least earned their shot to get a crack at the big club. (Igawa especially, he's been biding his time for well over a year).

It's not out of the realm of normalcy for a highly touted pitcher to be demoted to the minor leagues and need to work on his mechanics or fine tune his skills. Roy Halladay, arguably the best pitcher in the American League had to do that at the age of 24. After the 2000 season, (when he was 23, Joba's current age) where Halladay posted a 4 - 7 record with a 10.64 era, he was optioned to the Class A Dunedin Blue Jays (the lowest level of the minor leagues) to rebuild his delivery. All of the adjustments and tinkering Halladay worked on in the minor leagues proved successful. After six weeks he was promoted to class AA Tennessee and 4 weeks later to class AAA Syracuse. By the all-star break he had rejoined the Blue Jays rotation, where he posted a 5 - 3 record with a 3.19 era and he hasn't looked back since.

If a pitcher with the talent and make-up of Halladay can be sent back down to the minors to be entirely rebuilt as a pitcher, why can't Joba be sent down even for a momentary mental breather just to work some stuff out? It's clear to me (and probably anybody watching him pitch) that he clearly is lacking confidence in his pitches and is tentative to be aggressive early in the count, which is why he's constantly battling and works every batter into a full-count. Am I naive to think that sending him to the minors for a few weeks and have him work on being more aggressive to hitters would be a bad thing? Please, somebody stop me if I'm not making sense or completely being ridiculous right now.

I still believe that Chamberlain can piece it all together and be that pitcher that I and the rest of the Yankee universe hope he can become. But, it's not up to us. There's nothing Joe Girardi or Dave Eiland, or even Derek Jeter can say to him. It's all up to Joba now. Does he have the maturity to buckle down and do what he needs to do in order to harness his talents? That's a question we cannot answer. Joba has all the talent in the world built up in that right arm of his.

Now is a turning point for the young man's career. Either he'll build on that talent and develop the mindset of a major league pitcher. Or, he'll just turn out to be another great talent who couldn't live up to the hype. The ball is in your hands kid. Do you want to be remembered as the Phenom Joba Chamberlain? Or do you want to be just another forgotten memory of Yankee lure?

Only time will tell. But, with each continued poor outing and every post-game interview where you don't own up to your failures, the clock tolls for thee. People are losing faith in your abilities. Don't make me feel foolish for having believed in them for so long. You and you alone have the power to end this.

Will the real Joba Chamberlain, please stand up?

A look back at the first half of baseball...

Now that we've reached the half-way mark of the baseball season, I think it'd be a good time to take a look back at what I predicted the day before the season began and reflect on how I felt each division race would shape up and who would win the major awards...(basically, this is the time to see if I know what I'm talking about or I'm just blowing smoke up all your butt's).

I figure to make life easier for all of you, I'll show the divisions as I predicted them in April and then as they currently are today. Like always, since I'm an American League man, we'll start things off with the National League.

National League East Predictions

Atlanta Braves: 92 - 70

Florida Marlins: 88 - 74

Philadelphia Phillies: 87 - 75

New York Mets: 85 - 77

Washington Nationals: 56 - 106

National League East Today

Philadelphia Phillies: 43 - 37

Florida Marlins: 43 - 41

New York Mets: 39 - 42

Atlanta Braves: 39 - 43

Washington Nationals: 24 - 56

Alright, well I was somewhat looking good on this prediction of the National League East 3 months later. The Nationals are currently in the cellar of the division, on pace for 48 wins, which is less than I predicted for them. The Mets are mired in mediocrity like I so eloquently predicted. The Braves have surely been more of a disappointment than I had hoped, but I predicted the top 4 teams in this division would finish within 7 games of one another and as of the half-way point of the season, the top 4 teams are within 5 games of one another.

I should also point out, in my predictions column I stated and I quote "The Mets #2 - 5 starter's are Mike Pelfrey, John Maine, Oliver Perez and Livan Hernandez. Mark my words, those guys will be lucky to win 40 games combined this year." I would have you know, that with the season half over today, those 4 men have a combined record (whether it be due to inconsistency or injury) of 17 - 13 with a 5.82 ERA. If you're doing math, they're on pace to finish with (yep, you guessed it) less than 40 wins!

National League Central Predictions

Chicago Cubs: 101 - 61

St. Louis Cardinals: 85 - 77

Milwaukee Brewers: 80 - 82

Cincinnati Reds: 79 - 83

Pittsburgh Pirates: 74 - 88

Houston Astros: 74 - 88

National League Central Today

St. Louis Cardinals: 45 - 39

Milwaukee Brewers: 43 - 39

Chicago Cubs: 41 - 39

Cincinnati Reds: 40 - 41

Houston Astros: 40 - 41

Pittsburgh Pirates: 37 - 46

Let me be the first to say I over-estimated the talent of the Chicago Cubs and under-estimated the talent of the Cardinals and Brewers. Although I stated that the division was "tough to figure out because there's so many teams that have a chance to finish 2nd", I also said that "nobody will challenge the Cubs." Can I get a mulligan on that one? Is there any team in baseball that has been a bigger disappointment than the Chicago Cubs? (Actually, there might be, we'll get to that) My prediction to win the World Series, largely uncontested has seen their offense virtually implode (thank you Milton Bradley) and I also stated that the Cardinals even with a healthy Chris Carpenter (my fantasy team loves you) they wouldn't have the pitching to sustain it throughout the season. Well, it looks like I was wrong on that one. The Cardinals and Brewers are certainly for real and this is going to be a 3 team dog fight to the finish. Obviously my prediction of 101 victories for the Cubbies isn't going to be anywhere near accurate, but I still like them to right the ship and win the division when it's all said and done.

National League West Predictions

Los Angeles Dodgers: 100 - 62

San Francisco Giants: 94 - 68

Colorado Rockies: 86 - 76

Arizona Diamondbacks: 75 - 87

San Diego Padres: 72 - 90

National League West Today

Los Angeles Dodgers: 52 - 30

San Francisco Giants: 45 - 37

Colorado Rockies: 43 - 39

San Diego Padres: 35 - 47

Arizona Diamondbacks: 34 - 49

Can I get some credit here? I accurately predicted the Dodgers to build up a sizeable lead in the division and that the Giants would surprise a lot of people. Check and mate right there. But, I also said that the Rockies, while having a good offense, their rotation outside of Aaron Cook and Ubaldo Jimenez left a lot to be desired. Well, my apologies to all you Rockie fans, because I stated they would "need somebody else to step up if they wanted to compete." I introduce you to Jason Marquis and his 11 wins and his 3.61 ERA. Consider that stepping up.

National League Most Valuable Player Prediction: Albert Pujols; .330 average, 38 home runs and 130 runs batted in

First Half National League Most Valuable Player: Albert Pujols; .336 average, 31 home runs and 82 runs batted in. Well, I'd like to apologize to Albert Pujols. While it's obvious you are well on your way to winning another NL MVP award, I under-estimated you by a considerable margin. The numbers I predicted you to have for the full season, you basically have at the halfway mark. You are truly one in a million. Now please, pee into this cup and prove that you did it legally.

National League Cy Young Winner Prediction: Tim Lincecum; 22 - 8, 2.45 ERA, 230 strikeouts

First Half National League Cy Young Winner: Tim Lincecum; 9 - 2, 2.23 ERA, 140 strikeouts. Hey, I was right with this one. Lincecum has proven that he is the best young pitcher in the game and is projected to finish his season with a 19 - 4 record with 279 strikeouts. So he's predicted to win fewer games and strike out more than I had originally thought, but he's your Cy Young Winner barring anything unforeseen.

National League Rookie of the Year Prediction: Jordan Zimmermann; 12 wins and a sub-4 ERA

First Half National League Rookie of the Year: While Zimmermann has largely been average at best posting a 3 - 3 record with a 4.52 ERA in the first half, the NL Rookie of the Year for the first 81 games has without question been St. Louis Cardinals Outfielder Colby Rasmus who posted a line of .282, 10 and 32. I can't be right all the time, can I?

American League East Predictions

New York Yankees: 99 - 63

Boston Red Sox: 97 - 65

Tampa Bay Rays: 89 - 73

Toronto Blue Jays: 81 - 81

Baltimore Orioles: 75 - 87

American League East Today

Boston Red Sox: 49 - 33

New York Yankees: 48 - 34

Tampa Bay Rays: 44 - 39

Toronto Blue Jays: 43 - 31

Baltimore Orioles: 36 - 47

I predicted the AL East would be a close race between the Yankees and Red Sox and despite the Yankees being 0 -8 against Boston this season, the race has certainly lived up to the hype. Tampa Bay started off poorly, but has come on strong the last three weeks to get back into the race. The Blue Jays who were in the mix of things for the first 2 months or so have begun taking a tailspin towards the cellar as of late. I still hold true to my prediction that the Yankees will win the division.

I should also toot my own horn a little bit here and state that I was 100% correct on two specific stories from the American League East. Not sure what I'm talking about? Let me enlighten you. on April 5th I wrote "David Ortiz's bum wrist is not healed and until he can drive the ball with any sort of power he's not a threat." Ding Ding! Call me Nostradamus, because this boy is a Prophet!

When speaking of the topic of the Yankees bullpen, I stated that "there's not one person in that pen that I trust to throw 1 strike, let alone get 1 out. Jose Veras, Edwar Ramirez and Damaso Marte aren't the answer. We need some help in the bullpen." I won't get too excited about being right with that prediction, because the writing was on the wall. They were all terrible. I knew it in December. I convinced most of you by February. It took Brian Cashman and Joe Girardi until mid-June to realize it.

American League Central Predictions

Cleveland Indians: 88 - 74

Kansas City Royals: 84 - 78

Chicago White Sox: 82 - 80

Minnesota Twins: 79 - 83

Detroit Tigers: 76 - 86

American League Central Today

Detroit Tigers: 44 - 38

Minnesota Twins: 43 - 40

Chicago White Sox: 42 - 40

Kansas City Royals: 36 - 46

Cleveland Indians: 33 - 50

This is just hard to do. I literally picked the division in complete reverse order. I can't even be mad at myself, that takes some serious skill if you ask me. Like I said in April, this division is extremely difficult to determine, because there is no clear cut great team. That being said, I'm beyond disappointed in the Indians and Royals. Two teams I expected to break out and really surprise people, have surprised them with how poorly they've played. I said the Tigers had no starting pitching, specifically insulting Edwin Jackson, who has been one of the top 5 pitchers in the American League so far. I also said the Royals would be this year's Tampa Bay Rays. Eh, wrong again Chris. Basically any possible way you could be wrong, I was wrong when predicting the American League Central (although, I think I'll be vindicated a little bit later...but we'll get to that). My apologies to fans of this entire division, I was hanging out with Jeremy Mayfield and was high on meth when I was writing back in April (ha ha my first ever Nascar joke).

American League West Predictions

Texas Rangers: 93 - 69

Seattle Mariners: 85 - 77

Anaheim Angels: 81 - 81

Oakland Athletics: 73 - 89

American League West Today

Anaheim Angels: 46 - 35

Texas Rangers: 45 - 36

Seattle Mariners: 43 - 39

Oakland Athletics: 35 - 46

Heyyy, I wrote in April I seemed crazy for predicting the Rangers and Mariners to do well, but it looks like I'm pretty smart right now, huh? Granted I predicted the demise of the Angels a bit prematurely, I am pleasantly surprised with how this division is shaping up based on how I thought it would. Mike Maddux has been the tremendous pitching coach the Rangers thought he would be and they have really set themselves up with a nice pitching staff. It is a little sad and tragic that in April I spoke so highly of Angels starting pitcher Nick Adenhart, only to see him pass away a week and a half later. But, despite all of the injuries the Angels have seen themselves encounter, they continue to play well and they continue to win. It looks like the Angels may have something to say the 2nd half of the season to all those who think the Rangers can steal this division (myself included).

American League Most Valuable Player Prediction: Miguel Cabrera; .340 average, 42 home runs and 140 runs batted in

First Half American League Most Valuable Player: Joe Mauer; .389 average, 14 home runs and 45 runs batted in, AFTER missing nearly the first 5 weeks of the season due to injury. All due respect to Miguel Cabrera, even though I picked your team to finish in dead last and you find yourself in first place, you have certainly had an MVP caliber season thus far hitting .322 with 16 home runs and 47 runs batted in. But, Mauer is well on his way to winning yet another batting title and has already posted near career marks in home runs and runs batted in. This will be Mauer's award to lose the rest of the season.

American League Cy Young Winner Prediction: Gut said Zach Greinke, heart told me Roy Halladay at 20 - 10 with a 2.65 ERA

First Half American League Cy Young Winner: Zach Greinke; 10 - 4, 2.00 ERA. It looks like I should've gone with my gut over my heart back in April. But, I can at least rest assured that I correctly predicted the top-2 finishers in the Cy Young voting this season. Roy Halladay is currently 10 - 2 with a 2.79 ERA, likely to do better than the 20 - 10 season I predicted for him. But, Greinke, even on a below average team has been putting up numbers out of this world. He leads the major leagues in complete games, holds a 6:1 strikeout to walk ratio and has been the only form of consistency on his team. He could very well win 20 games on a last place team, which is almost unheard of. I tip my hat to you Zach and am glad to see that the breakout year I hoped for you is well under way.

American League Rookie of the Year Prediction: Ricky Romero

First Half American League Rookie of the Year: Ricky Romero; 7 - 3, 2.96 ERA. Looks like I correctly figured this one out. I said back in April it wouldn't surprise me if he won 14 games for the Jays and he's currently on pace to finish with a 15 - 6 record. He's a young pitcher with tremendous upside and after seeing him defeat the Yankees, he reminds me of a younger, less polished, Johan Santana. Him and Roy Halladay could make a good 1 - 2 combo for the Jays for years to come.

So there you go, after the first half of the season, more often than not I have largely been correct with my predictions to this point. There's still plenty of baseball left to play and in baseball, as Joaquin Andujar once said "you know anything can happen." It should be a great summer and I'm looking forward to more baseball and more surprises.

Until next time...

Yankees have hurt Wang

Don't you just love the title? It's a double entendre! I swear, even though I'm trying to become a serious published writer, there was NO WAY I was passing up the opportunity to get that comedic title in there. But, with that out of the way, now it's time to get down to the business at hand. A lot has happened in sports since the last I posted. Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays and Steve McNair have all passed away (stay tuned for a Steve Mcnair post later this week), the Yankees have surged their way back up the standings and currently sit 1 game behind Boston and oh yeah, I'm now a published writer! (more on that a little later as well).

The Yankees are currently auditioning for the role of a new 5th starter, with the latest injury to the oft-maligned Chien-Ming Wang. I don't want to say that he's injury prone, but, in his 5 year major league career, he's found himself on the disabled list multiple times with various injuries (shoulder, hamstring, foot, hip and now shoulder again) in 4 seasons. If that isn't "injury prone", I don't really know what is. Now, I'm not voting him to the starting rotation of the "Carl Pavano All-Stars" (People who find themselves on the DL more than they find themselves on the field), but he's slowly creeping up to that status.

It is a shame though, because Wang was FINALLY starting to string together some decent to moderately good outings. In his last 4 starts, Wang was starting to show glimpses of his former self inducing groundballs and keeping his team competitive, going 20.2 innings and lowering his ERA from 13.92, to a more respectable (And better than Oliver Perez!!!!!) 9.64 ERA. Is it great? Hell no. Is it the worst on the team? Hell yes. Was he pitching like the back of his baseball card says? Actually, almost.

The question that remains to be answered, is where do we go from here? Who is going to step in and fill the spot in the rotation that the two-time 19 game winner has left open now? Phil Hughes? Not a chance. He's in the bull pen for the foreseeable future. If, for some reason, a CC Sabathia or an A.J. Burnett were somehow injured and had to miss a significant portion of time, then you'd see Hughes stretched out and put back into the rotation. But, we're not trying to replace our ace, we're trying to replace a pitcher with a 1 - 6 record and an ERA more bloated than John Kruk's waistline.

That being said, I've listened to all of the interviews the Yankees coaching staff and front office have given and I've looked at all the stats of our minor league affiliates and I've come up with 3 candidates who I think would make the logical choice to fill in as a spot starter until Wang returns in a few weeks.

The first candidate standing in at 6'3 and weighing 225lbs, his scouting report boasts him as having a nice sinking fastball and the ability to throw his curveball and changeup for strikes, but left handers give him trouble at the major league level and he projects to be a 5th starter or middle reliever at best (which is what we need from him anyway), hailing from Los Angeles, California, he is....SERGIO MITRE! (any idea who that is?)

(really? No clue still?).....Well, Mitre is a former 7th round selection of the Chicago Cubs and has posted a career record of 10 - 23 with a 5.36 ERA. Obviously he's not going to light up the stat sheets with 0's, but maybe the Yankees can catch lightning in a bottle (a la Aaron Small) and get a few useful starts out of him. He's 3 weeks removed from his off-season 50 game steroid suspension and nearly 12 months removed from Tommy John Surgery. He's made 5 starts at Scranton/Wilkes-Barre for the Yankees and has posted a 2 - 1 record with a 3.26 era in 30.1 innings of work. He's allowed less than a hit per inning and has shown impeccable control allowing only 3 walks. Obviously since he's less than a year removed from major reconstructive elbow surgery (normal rehabilitation time is 12 to 18 months) the odds of Mitre helping the Yankees in the long-term boasts to be more possible (since the Yankees have him under contract for 2010 as well) than he does in the interim. But, given how well he's performed over the past month since being activated, might as well give him a little taste of the Bronx this season and have him come out for spring training next year poised to make the team. Could he be our starter on Thursday? I'd put the odds at 60/40.

Our next candidate stands 6'1 and weighs in at a respectable 210lbs, he is the three-time Central League strikeout champion, three-time all-star, a former MVP and Eiji Sawamura Award winner, hailing from Oarai, Japan, he is...Kei Igawa!!! (really...I'm not kidding....I swear to God he's still being paid by us).

Hear me out on this one, I'm not choking, I'm not trying to pull a fast one over you. I realize the Yankees paid $26 million for the right to negotiate that 5 year $20 million contract with the Yankees almost 2 and a half years ago (actually 2 and a half years to the day now that I've checked) and he's only posted a 2 - 4 record with a 6.66 ERA during his always brief call-ups to the Bronx, but, for the past two seasons at Scranton, he has shown on a consistent basis he can get hitters out. He has without question been the most accomplished pitcher of the International League over the course of the last 18 months.

Is that something to be proud of? Well, not really. But, it's a start. There's going to be a time that the Yankees will need to see if they can muster any form of success out of Igawa. I know they've tried him for brief periods in 2007 and a little bit last season as well, only to have it blow up in their face as a colossal failure. But, I have a feeling this time would be different. Is he going to be the MVP caliber pitcher he was in Japan? Let's put it this way, there's a better chance of Michael Jackson moon-walking into my bedroom right now than Igawa has of being THAT good. (was that Michael Jackson joke too soon? Who cares, I liked it). But, I certainly think he can be serviceable and give the Yankees what they need; a body who can throw strikes and eat innings. This season at Scranton, Igawa has posted a record of 6 - 3 with a very respectable 3.80 ERA in 85 innings. He has shown incredible control boasting nearly a 3:1 strikeout to walk ratio and has shown the ability to challenge hitters on a consistent basis, which is something the Yankees are desperately lacking. Is Igawa the answer? Maybe. I'd hinge my bets and put the odds at 70 / 30 that you WON'T be seeing Igawa tow the rubber for the Yankees any time soon.

Our last candidate steps in weighing 218lbs and stands at 6'3. Boasting a career record of 6 - 1 with a 2.19 ERA, hailing from San Luis Rio Colorado (I swear did they just combine St. Louis, Rio and Colorado into one town?) Mexico, he is; ALFREDO "ACE" ACEVES!!! Ta da, here's your most likely candidate to start on Thursday. Arguably one of the best relievers the Yankees have today not named Rivera or Hughes, Aceves is the most likely candidate to get the nod on Thursday afternoon in Minnesota. He's been a starter his entire career, including 7 spot starts with the Yankees last season (including his first career win and start last August against the Angels where he allowed 1 run in 7 innings).

Out of sheer necessity the Yankees were forced to use Aceves out of the bullpen, first in a long relief/mop up role, where after continued success he found himself thrust into the role of being an effective middle reliever. It was only a mere 48 hours ago that Aceves found himself earning his first career save pitching 4 innings of 1 hit ball to preserve a 10 - 8 Yankees win over the Toronto Blue Jays. In essence, Aceves is the 2009 version of Ramiro Mendoza. He doesn't have incredibly over-powering stuff, but throw strikes, attacks the zone and has a strong presence on the mound, much like Ramiro Mendoza did for the Yankees in the late 90's. The only pitfall to starting Aceves is that you'd have to take him out of the bullpen for the short-term, which would create a caveat of sorts, since he's one of our few reliable relievers now that Brian Bruney forgot what the strike zone was. Also, because Aceves has pitched so often in relief for the Yankees, he won't be able to provide the length that Mitre or Igawa would, seeing as though Aceves hasn't thrown more than 50 pitches since his season debut this year on May 4th (where he threw 70 pitches in 4.1 innings against Boston). So, the Yankees would be incredibly hard pressed to throw Aceves more than 60 pitches since he would tire quickly after that point. Despite that, I'd say it's an 85/15 chance that you WILL see Aceves getting the start on Thursday afternoon.

Do I think that is the right decision should the Yankees go that route? No, I don't. I happen to think you shouldn't mess with what works. Right now, the Yankees bullpen of Aceves, Coke and Hughes serving as the bridge to Mariano Rivera is working beautifully. Everybody is pitching tremendous and they all know the roles they serve. Coke is the reliable lefty out of the pen (a modern day Mike Stanton if you will), Hughes is the righty with the nasty hook (a more electric Jeff Nelson without the fake to third, throw to first move) and Aceves is the effective middle reliever who can go 2 or 3 innings at a time when the starter fails to go past the 5th inning (a new and improved Ramiro Mendoza). Will this bullpen chain of command continue to work for the rest of the season? Only time will tell that, but why would you mess with what works? Sure, Aceves could step in on Thursday and toss 6 innings of 1 hit ball, but, he could also let up 5 runs in 3 innings and completely deflate all of the confidence he has built up in his relief outings. Why would the Yankees want to mess with what's working right now?

In my opinion, the Yankees would be best suited to throw out Mitre or Igawa (my preference would be Igawa, because you have to find out if you can recoup some of that investment one of these days) on Thursday, because you're not trying to replace CC Sabathia. We're just looking for a stop gap to a 1 - 6 pitcher. You could throw me out there for God sake's and get the same mixed results the Yankees are just hoping to get from that spot in the rotation. Let the rehabbing Mitre or the Ghost of Kei Igawa get the start, leave Aceves in the pen to clean up their mess and don't screw with what got you back to being the hottest team in baseball the last 3 weeks.

There you have it. Three candidates the Yankees can replace Chien-Ming Wang with over the next month or so until he returns. I think Mitre, Igawa or Aceves are all more than capable of getting the job done, but I'd very much like to see Mitre get some more innings under his belt at Scranton as he rehabs from his injury, Aceves stay in the bullpen where he's most valuable to our success and Kei Igawa get the long awaited call to the Bronx Bombers. Will the Yankees do that? Probably not. You'll probably be seeing Ace on Thursday, but whether it works or not, I'll still be pining for Kei Igawa to re-emerge in the Bronx sometime soon. Hopefully in the past year we haven't seen him he's gotten his over-bite fixed by an Orthodontist.

Well, before I get to my signature sign off, let me just say it's always a pleasure to rant and know that the true few who read this blog actually enjoy what they read (or at least lie to me and say they do). And in my quest to attain a level of notoriety for my rants, I've gotten the opportunity to publish articles on E-Sports .com, a world-wide sports writing website. It's not Sports Illustrated or ESPN just yet, but it's baby steps. Let's consider it the minor leagues as I continue to wait for my call up to the big club.

Despite all that, don't think I'll be forgetting about my faithful blog followers. Even though I'll be continuing with Grad school, searching for a job and posting weekly on E-sports, don't think I'll be going on another long-term hiatus from Ramey Rants. In fact, I plan on posting a lot more, because frankly, I have a lot more complaining to do. So, be on the look out for blogs galore. And now you can even find me on twitter at twitter.com/rameyrants. And as I said, expect to find new posts almost daily here and don't forget to check me out on E-Sports .com (I'll be posting different stories there that you won't be seeing here...hey, I'm trying to start a career, I've gotta get a good rating on there so I can be a featured columnist).

With that, as always, until next time...

3.8 Seconds

If you had one shot or one opportunity

To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment

Would you capture it? Or just let it slip?

- Eminem

Who would have thought that words echoed by rap artist Eminem would ring so true in what I'm about to discuss. The Yankees - Red Sox rivalry, the sporting equivalent of the Greek's and the Persian's has spanned the course of time for nearly a century since the date of January 3, 1920; the day Babe Ruth was sold to the Yankees. From that point on, the rivalry had begun and would evolve on and off the field with players and fans alike, but, we'll get back to that in a minute.

Let's fast forward 84 years, 9 months and 15 days. The date on the calendar reads October 17, 2004. For any Yankee or Red Sox fan, this is a day held in infamy; it's the day it all changed. The Yankees are one year removed from defeating the Red Sox in the 2003 American League Championship Series in one of the greatest playoff series in history. The Yankees now find themselves a mere 3 outs away from their second consecutive playoff elimination of the Boston Red Sox and successfully winning their 40th Major League pennant. Mariano Rivera, the greatest relief pitcher in baseball history stoically stands atop the mound, his heart pounding, but his nerves undeniably calm. Nobody is aware of the history altering moment that is about to happen.

Kevin Millar steps into the batter's box leading off the 9th inning, as the Red Sox trail the Yankees by a run at 4 - 3. Miraculously, Millar works a walk on 5 pitches and trots slowly to first base. Emerging from the Red Sox dugout is little used reserve outfielder, Dave Roberts, to pinch run for Millar. As he takes his lead off first base, Mariano Rivera makes a snap throw to first base to keep him close, then another, then a third throw. It's obvious to all that Roberts' is the main concern for every player in a Yankee uniform. As Rivera comes to a set and delivers the pitch to home plate, Roberts makes a mad dash for 2nd base, and history is unknowingly made.

Remember that quote from before? In the time it took to read it, Dave Roberts seized his opportunity and captured his moment. 3.8 seconds to change the course of baseball history as we know it. 3.8 seconds to erase 86 years of futility and alter the lives of two entire fan bases. The Yankees - Red Sox rivalry truly started the day Babe Ruth was sold to New York and it ended on the field in those 3.8 seconds.

That's the moment it all changed, where the Red Sox took the momentum and stepped on the throttle towards history. You know how the story ends; the Red Sox tied the game 2 pitches later, went on to win in extra innings and rode the wave of momentum for 7 more consecutive wins to demolish the Yankees and St. Louis Cardinals en route to the most historic comeback in sports history and their first world championship in 86 years.

The rivalry hasn't been the same since that fateful night. It's as if we've stepped into another dimension, where everything has turned upside down. The Red Sox are now the greatest franchise in sports, having won 2 world championships in five seasons and the Yankees have taken on the role of the perennial loser.

People say that the Yankees - Red Sox rivalry is the greatest in all of sports. What they fail to realize is that the rivalry on the field no longer exists with the same brooding hatred that can be found in the stands. The rivalry on the field hasn't exuded the same level of animosity since that night in 2004. And I don't mean because the Red Sox ended the Curse of the Bambino and won the World Series, but because that's the last time there was even the slightest inkling of dislike between the two franchises. What happened to the old days of Yankees outfielder Jake Powell and Red Sox manager Joe Cronin fighting beneath the stands during a game (May 30, 1938)? Or the days of Jimmy Piersall and Billy Martin squaring off in the tunnel before a game (May 24, 1952)? That's what is currently missing in the rivalry.

There's far too much camaraderie between the players. Whether it's the stories of Derek Jeter and Dustin Pedroia becoming acquaintances during the World Baseball Classic, or the friendship fellow Dominican's Robinson Cano and David Ortiz share, the days of the rivalry being intense are a far distant memory. To be perfectly honest, the last time this rivalry had any meat on its bones was in Game 3 of the 2003 ALCS, when Pedro Martinez hit Karim Garcia in the back, prompting both benches to empty, and then later on culminated with Yankees coach Don Zimmer being tossed like a lawn dart by Pedro.

Realize with every continued stroke of the keyboard my blood boils with anger. I am NOT a Red Sox fan. I hate the Red Sox with every fiber of my being. My loyalties lie with my New York Yankees. I will not knowingly befriend a Red Sox fan and I certainly will never date a fan of Boston. They don't like me and I hate them. It's how I was raised; it's how I will raise my children. They are the enemy. I know that's how they were raised to feel about us and that's perfectly fine in my eyes. It's the way the rivalry used to be and it's the way it will continue to be from every fans perspective. But, that is where the Yankees - Red Sox rivalry ends. Now it only exists flowing in the blood of the fans.

Can the rivalry on the field be reinvigorated with the passion and disdain that each fan feels for their opposition? Only time will tell, but, it's at least a comforting thought deep in the heart of this Yankee fan to know that it only takes 3.8 seconds to change the course of history. Here's hoping the Yankees get their one shot or one opportunity to seize everything they ever wanted in one moment. And here's hoping they capture it and don't let it slip.

The Luxury Tax Conundrum

For the 2009 Major League Baseball season, the New York Yankees have the highest payroll for the ninth consecutive year, paying their players a total salary of $201.4 million. The next highest club is the New York Mets with a payroll of $149.4 million. The luxury tax threshold for this season is $162 million. In case you aren't familiar with what that exactly means, let me explain it to you. Any team whose payroll is over the luxury tex threshold ($162 million this season) has to pay a certain percentage rate; 22.5% for exceeding the limit the first time, 30% for the second time and 40% for every subsequent infraction. Because of this, the Yankees will be paying nearly $16 million in luxury tax expenses for the current season (they are the only team over the threshold).

The purpose of a luxury tax is to prevent teams in "major markets" with high incomes from signing the most talented players, ergo destroying the competitive balance in the sport. The money that is then gained from the luxury tax is divided up among the teams in the "smaller markets", to allow them to accrue more revenue and maintain a competitive level with the rest of the league.

Let me be the first to say how truly ridiculous that is. The Yankees are considered "bad for baseball" by so many purists because they overspend on player contracts to get individuals to sign with New York. Just this past off-season, they doled out over $420 million to sign Mark Teixeira, CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett. And according to every sports columnist, the Yankees are "buying a championship." Right, the Yankees are signing players they feel they need in order to compete, or dare I say, maintain a competitive level with the rest of the league and they are bad for baseball?

Over the past 6 years, the Yankees have had to pay the highest amount for the luxury tax to the "small market teams" so they can remain competitive with those big bad boys of the large media markets (Yankees, Mets, Red Sox, Dodgers, etc). To the un-informed reader, that would seem fair. You see teams like the Minnesota Twins, Washington Nationals, Florida marlins, etc and you see them with mediocre talent, low payrolls and you curse the name of George Steinbrenner for making it so impossible for those teams to compete!

Well, newsflash genius, those teams can compete, they just choose not to. I'm sick of the Yankees having to pay the luxury tax year in and year out. I think it's ridiculous that the REd Sox have had to pay the luxury tax twice, or that the Tigers have had to pay it as well. I'm sick of all this "small market" hooplah that I hear every single day. So the Yankees have the highest payroll, we have the highest player contracts, blah, blah, blah. With the way these media outlets spout off in a barrage of anti-Yankee rhetoric, you would think that George Steinbrenner is the richest owner in sports and just throws out large denominations of cash to lure those players as he sports a greedy smile on his face.

Too bad that isn't true. Not even close to true in fact.

George Steinbrenner is worth $1.3 billion, which is a pretty substantial amount. He's worth more money than 2/3 of the other owners in Major League Baseball. now, I'm not saying he's poor by any stretch of the imagination, since obviously he has a large amount of cash in his name. But, were you area of the fact that there are currently 9 other owners, or ownership groups worth more (and in some cases considerably more) than the New York Yankees owner? I bet the mainstream media didn't really clue you, or anyone else into that. Listed below are the names of the owner's currently worth more than George Steinbrenner and the teams they are currently in charge of:

Chicago Cubs: Thomas S. Rickets - $1.3 Billion

Texas Rangers: Thomas O. Hicks - $1.4 Billion

Detroit Tigers: Mike Illitch - $1.6 Billion

Houston Astros: Drayton McLane, Jr. - $1.6 Billion

Atlanta Braves: Liberty Media - $2.3 Billion

Cleveland Indians: Larry Dolan - $3.3 Billion

Washington Nationals: Theodore N. Lerner - $3.5 Billion

Minnesota Twins: Carl Pohlad - $3.6 Billion

Seattle Mariners: Nintendo Corporation - $257.4 Billion (yes, you read that right, Nintendo owns the Mariners and the entire corporation is worth nearly a quarter of a trillion dollars)

Notice any teams that really jump out at you? Possible perennial payroll bottom dwellers and mid-market teams such as the Washington Nationals and Minnesota Twins? Seems rather peculiar that two of the least spending teams in Major League Baseball boast the wealthiest owners, doesn't it? But wait, I thought they were just poor lowly teams that can't afford to compete with the endless finances that teams like the Yankees offer other players. I mean after all, the Twins payroll this season is only $65.3 million and the Nationals is no better at $60.3 million. How can these victims of the Yankees tyranny honestly compete with a monetary juggernaut like George Steinbrenner? (in case you haven't realized it, I'm being sarcastic and I'm laying it on pretty thick)

Bet you didn't know that, huh? Weren't aware that the wealthiest owners were in charge of some of the lowest spending teams? Of course not, because nobody wants you to know that. The media to portray the Yankees and teams like them in such a negative light that it makes the story seem interesting. Would you read a story (kinda like this one, so I guess you would) that speaks about the other owner's who refuse to spend money? Like you honestly know who Theodore Lerner or Carl Pohlad are? Well, I do, because I've researched this topic endlessly because it aggravates me so much. Their refusal to spend money has forced Major League Baseball into this conundrum (I had to slip it in there at some point) of having a luxury tax. They are rewarding ineptitude and that's utterly mind boggling.

Major League Baseball implemented the luxury tax to punish teams like the New York Yankees for spending so much money on signing players. They initiated this as a way to "keep the game competitive and every team on equal footing." In reality, the sport needs more owners like George Steinbrenner. He's good for baseball. The Steinbrenner's are one of the only ownership groups in Major League Baseball willing to do whatever it takes to win. They are the only owners who put the fans first and worry about the product on the field, rather than the bottom line. It's purely ludicrous that the Yankees or any other team that exceeds the luxury tax threshold has to give millions of dollars to those "small market" teams, when their owners are worth nearly twice as much!

In effect you are penalizing any owner's passion and desire to win at any cost. We should be applauding owners like George Steinbrenner, Frank McCourt, Fred Wilpon and John Henry. They are more than willing to take the necessary steps they see fit to put the best team possible on the field. They are willing to spend money to put the best product on the field for the fans.

I propose that the luxury tax should work in reverse order. Set a precedent for how much money each team should spend each season. If they don't spend the minimum amount, they should be penalized and have to pay the other teams in baseball a percentage. Now that's the way you maintain a competitive balance. Force the teams that refuse to spend money to open up their wallets and at least pretend they're attempting to be competitive.

I'm sick and tired of hearing about the Yankees are "buying championships" simply because we have an owner who is willing to set aside business ventures and puts the team and wining first and foremost. If we have to cut one more check to teams like the Nationals or Twins, I may be sick to my stomach. Somebody write your Congressman! Implore them to force these cheapskate owners to at least pretend like they give a crap about their team or the fans.

I'm talking directly to you Theodore Lerner. And to you (the family of) Carl Pohlad. You boast two of the lowest payrolls in all of sports, yet you're both worth over $3.5 Billion respectively. Tell me where's the justice in that? They receive millions of dollars per year from the Yankees as a part of revenue sharing, so their teams can "maintain a competitive level."

Hey, tell you what, if you spent the same percentage of your net worth on your team's payroll, we'd be begging you to share some money for our poor small market Yankees. George Steinbrenner spends nearly 17% of his net worth on the Yankees payroll alone. Do you know how much the Nationals payroll would be if Theodore Lerner spent the same 17% of his net worth on his team? Their payroll would be a whopping $595 million.

If that doesn't prove a point, I don't know what will. George Steinbrenner and owner's cut from the same mold as him are not bad for baseball. Teams like the New York Yankees don't hurt the competitive balance in the sport. You want to know what is bad for the sport? Take a look at all those teams on the receiving end of the revenue sharing. It's people like Theodore Lerner that are hurting the sport and compromising the competitive balance in baseball.

Until next time...

When crime does pay

Usually I will use this blog as a forum to vent my frustrations about why the Yankees did this, or why the Cowboys didn't do that, basically just airing out the grievances I have with my beloved professional sports teams. But, I feel I need to take a slight detour in my thinking (with a lot less humor) and talk about something else in the sports world that has ravaged me with anger; the way athletes are treated by the law makers of this country. It's absolutely incredulous and frankly I am becoming sickened by the lack of justice that is bestowed upon athletes for serious offenses.

With the recent news that Plaxico Burress is getting his court date adjourned until September, where he is assured of having it adjourned AGAIN until the following summer, so it enables him to play in the upcoming NFL season is beyond ridiculous.

The man carried an un-licensed handgun into a public place in New York City, the gun was discharged and he was lucky he only accidentally shot himself and not an innocent bystander. The crime is punishable by up to 3 1/2 years in prison, but, will he see a day in jail? I'd likely bet he won't. I think it's more probable that the court system in New York will force Burress to pay a hefty fine and have to serve a considerable amount of community service, to "set an example." Is that fair? Absolutely not. If you, or I, were driving from Connecticut and got pulled over just across the border into New York and we were merely in possession of an un-licensed hand gun, we'd be arrested on the spot and would serve at least 12 months in a state corrections facility, no questions asked. That's the law. That's the way the law works; unless you're a professional athlete.

Then you have the case of Cleveland Browns Wide Receiver Donte Stallworth. In case you aren't familiar with this particular individual, on the morning of March 14, 2009, Stallworth struck and killed a pedestrian in Miami Beach, Florida. Police estimated that Stallworth was speeding and he was under the influence of alcohol. He was subsequently arrested and charged with DUI and second degree manslaughter. A few days ago he pled guilty to the charges and received a sentence of 30 days in jail, 2 years house arrest and 8 years of probation. He also agreed to some form of monetary compensation to the victim's family. Now, I ask you, is this fair? Once again, absolutely not. In the state of Florida, the prison sentence for second degree manslaughter is 15 years in prison and at least $10,000 in fines. If I was the offending participant and 'accidentally' killed that man while I was driving intoxicated at 7am, you know the next time you'd be seeing me? Around the year 2024 sounds about right. And do you know why that is? Because my pockets aren't lined with hundred dollar bills.

Are you beginning to see the point I'm trying to make? Athletes are treated above the law, simply because they have a famous face and a wad of cash in their wallet. To provide further evidence to my claims, I'll share with you the names of a few other athletes, the crimes they committed, the sentences they (didn't) receive and what the law would constitute as proper punishment if it was me who was the perpetrator.

In 1998, St. Louis Rams defensive end Leonard Little left a birthday party drunk, crashed into and killed a woman. When his blood alcohol level was tested, it measured 0.19 percent, a level that was well over twice the level of intoxication of 0.08 in the state of Missouri. He was convicted of involuntary manslaughter and served a whopping 90 days in jail. Really, 90 days? That's it for killing a woman? That can't be the law in the state of Missouri, can it? Nope, it isn't. In fact, that's not even nearly the type of sentence you can receive for such a crime. Just last year a man was convicted of involuntary manslaughter for causing a crash in Missouri when he was high on marijuana (obviously still impaired, but not to the extent that a 0.19 would have you be) and he received a total of 11 years in prison, without the possibility of parole. Welcome to the United States Justice System. Two men commit the exact same crime, one of them is a professional athlete, the other is just a regular guy; the athlete gets a slap on the wrist and the regular Joe gets put in the slammer with the key thrown away. God Bless America!

In 1989, New York Yankees outfield Luis Polonia was arrested on a road trip in Milwaukee for having sexual relations with a 15 year old girl. He was charged and eventually convicted of the crime of having sex with a minor. He received 30 days in jail. Now doesn't that seem a little lenient to you? I researched the statutes and laws dealing with the repercussions of being convicted for having sex with a minor. Based on the different sentences I came across, the crime usually yields a sentence between 6 months and 20 years. Yes, you can get up to 20 years as a FIRST time offender for this crime. Luis Polonia received 30 days. If I got arrested for that sort of crime, you'd be seeing me somewhere between the ages of 24 and 43, depending on how severely the judge wishes to punish me. But, if I was a famous athlete, see you in a month. Fair? not by a long-shot.

Former NBA player (and current Lebanese club "Champville" player) Ruben Patterson was convicted in 2001 of 3rd degree rape of his child's nanny in September 2000. I researched the laws in the state of Washington (where Patterson was residing at the time as a member of the Seattle Supersonics) and the crime of 3rd degree rape is punishable by a prison sentence of up to 5 years in prison. How long do you think Ruben Patterson served in prison? Luis Polonia served 30 days just a decade earlier for a less severe crime (less severe because he didn't force himself on the girl, she was a willing participant since she arranged to meet with him). So, if it was a more severe crime, you'd think he'd serve somewhere between a few months and 5 years, right? Nope. He served 15 days. FIFTEEN DAYS! 15 days for raping your nanny. Welcome to the life of a professional athlete. Fair or not fair? And the survey says....NOT FAIR

Notice that I'm still yet to mention Orenthal James (O.J.) Simpson. Well, let me explain the reasoning behind his absence in this list. The court system for athletes finally caught up to him! He originally got away with murder, because he was a flashy former athlete who had a ton of money. But, all the civil lawsuits later, and he's just another poor man, who gets arrested for robbery and kidnapping and uh oh! You can't buy your way out of prison like it's a monopoly game. Sorry, O.J. You do not pass GO, you do not collect your $200. You go directly to jail. See you in 9 1/2 to 33. Johnny Cochran couldn't have even helped you out this one. You'll get to spend probably the rest of your life finding out if prison inmates like vitamin C (get it? Because O.J.'s nickname was "the juice" and Orange Juice has vitamin C! Oh shut up, I thought it was funny. I hate you all)

What is the message being sent to kids? They look up to professional athletes; they idolize them and consider them to be heroes in the eyes of an innocent child. So the message being sent is "hey kids, if you work really hard and excel in sports, you can do anything you want and get away with it!"

Well, that would be the case if you were any athlete other than Michael Vick. He's currently finishing out the 2 year prison sentence he was given for his part in a dog fighting ring. He has had to pay over $1 million for care and rehabilitation for the surviving dogs and has been suspended from the NFL for the past 2 years. When he is finally released in July and able to return to a normal life and hopefully resume his NFL career, the Commissioner of the NFL Roger Goodell has made it abundantly clear that he may seek further punishment against Vick.

So, let me get this straight. Leonard Little and Donte Stallworth have both killed individuals because they were driving drunk and receive slaps on the wrist. Plaxico Burress fires a weapon in a crowded New York club and he'll get off virtually unpunished. Ruben Patterson rapes a woman and he gets a cake-walk jail sentence. But Michael Vick harms animals and receives 2 years? Where is the justice in that? Now before you get all PETA on me and attempt to bite my head off, realize I'm not condoning what Vick did. I think it's reprehensible and I'm glad he was prosecuted and put in jail for his transgressions, but, doesn't it seem rather dubious that out of every criminal infraction that I've mentioned (O.J. and his empty pockets aside) he receives the stiffest punishment?

That's the country we live in. Kill an innocent man and receive a few inconveniences in your star studded life. Kill an innocent animal and get prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Only in America do we value the life an animal over the life of another human being.

The age old saying; "crime doesn't pay" is obviously incorrect. Crime only pays when you have money. Just ask Plaxico Burress or Donte Stallworth.

Until next time...

Why Jessica Simpson needs to go

Alright, well as you all know, I am a Dallas Cowboys fan. (yea yea, insert your random "Cowboys suck and the Giants/Eagles/Redskins/whoever are better) And I have been very adamant about my disdain for Cowboys Quarterback Tony Romo. It's not that I think he's a bad guy (really, he's a jackass) or a bad quarterback (he ain't no Troy Aikman). It's just that I'm really, REALLY sick of how he puts EVERYTHING ELSE ON EARTH before Football.

For example, now, I'm not saying that I want the guy to live and die with football, say to hell with his family and just spend 12 months a year in full blown football mode, but it'd sure as hell be nice to know that he's at least keeping in shape (and I don't mean round)

I was watching Sportscenter this morning and they reported that the Dallas Cowboys Offensive Coordinator Jason Garrett (The offensive schmuck who went from being an offensive guru to an offensive Forrest Gump in about 3.5 nanoseconds) has asked Tony Romo to shed about 15 pounds of weight (really, he meant girth) for the upcoming season, because he was getting a little round about the edges. THAT'S JUST FANTASTIC!

So, you're being paid 67.5 million over the next 6 years and you decide you want to let yourself go during the off-season? Hey buddy, last time I checked, Christmas was 6 months ago. There are no fruitcakes and there isn't any thanksgiving turkey right around the corner either. You have NO reason whatsoever to be out of shape with training camp 3 and a half weeks away.

Obviously, I found who to blame. No Tony, I don't blame you for your doughy appearance and unsightly man-boobs. I blame the woman on your arm, Jessica Simpson. I blame you. You hussy. How many careers can you harpoon and ruin? I mean first it was poor Nick Lachey. He barely got of that marriage without killing himself because of your stupidity (she once honestly asked if "Chicken of the Sea" was really chicken or tuna). Then you ruined your own pop-singing career by attempting to become a country singer (epic failure) and to make your career even worse you got fat, denied getting fat, even though it was so painfully obvious you were fat, then you shed the weight and Tony Romo gets husky (my conspiracy theory is that she has in fact not lost any weight, she just made Romo get so big she looks thin by comparison).

So thank you, Jessica. You're a bigger jinx than the curse of the Bambino, the curse of the Billy Goat and Yoko Ono. It is no wonder that Cowboys fans refer to you as Yoko Romo. You're a train wreck waiting to happen. You've been dating Tony Romo for just over 18 months now and let's go through some of the missteps you've caused in your relationship, shall we?

The first Cowboy game you ever went to as Tony Romo's beau, you proudly sported a pink Tony Romo jersey (let me go on record saying I hate pink jerseys. I don't care what sport it is, football, baseball, hockey or badminton, pink jerseys are terrible. I don't care if it's female sportswear. You look like a powder puff girl) and Tony went on to have the WORST GAME OF HIS CAREER!!!

Then, to make life even worse for Cowboys fans, you decide to make Romo take you on vacation THE WEEK BEFORE THE BIGGEST PLAYOFF GAME OF HIS LIFE?!?!?!?!?! Really? Really now was that necessary? Couldn't it have waited two weeks? Or three weeks? But noooo, you just HAD to go to Mexico didn't you? I loathe you

I mean the number of people who dislike you and wish horrible things upon you cannot be quantified (really, scientists have determined the number of individuals who hate Jessica Simpson is larger than Pi). You know the whole "jinx theory" gets bad when President Bush takes a potshot at you when the Giants were at the White House for the traditional reception for the Super Bowl Winning team, when he said "we're going to send Jessica Simpson to the Democratic National Convention" (great, when that idiot makes fun of you, you know you're screwed)

But, all of the extra-curricula's aside, you really are just plain old bad luck. I don't know if you just cast a black shadow over everything you touch or you just make people stupid by spending time with you, but it's true. Tony Romo was a terrific young quarterback on the way to superstardom, then it all changed when he met you. Now he's a quarterback who's passion, talents and attitude are in question. A man who was once on his way to being in the upper-echelon of NFL quarterbacks, now finds himself mired in the muck of being just another man (a rich man's Matt Schaub if you will) Don't believe me? Well, as always, I've got the stats to prove it

Tony Romo BEFORE Jessica Simpson:

Record as a starter: 14 - 5

Passing Yards: 5,751

Yards Per game: 302.7

Average Yards Gained Per Attempt: 8.70

Passing Touchdowns: 47

Interceptions: 25

Completions: 432

Attempts: 661

Completion Percentage: 65%

Fumbles: 3

Fumbles lost: 0

Quarterback Rating: 100.3

Best Statistical Comparison Over 16 Game Season: Drew Brees in 2008

Tony Romo SINCE Jessica Simpson

Record as a starter: 12 - 7

Passing Yards: 4,541

Yards Per Game: 239

Average Yards Gained Per Attempt: 7.02

Passing Touchdowns: 35

Interceptions: 21

Completions: 399

Attempts: 646

Completion Percentage: 61%

Fumbles: 8

Fumbles lost: 4

Quarterback Rating: 87.8

Best Comparison Over 16 Game Season: Jake Plummer in 2004

Honestly, the numbers speak for themselves. The 19 games Romo started before he began dating Jessica Simpson had him basically in a league of his own. The only quarterback over that span that had better numbers than Romo were Tom Brady, whose numbers are staggering. Then, in the subsequent 19 games Romo has been a starter (kinda ironic it's the same amount of games, huh?) his numbers are considerably worse and he compares to Jake Plummer. Anytime the words "Jake Plummer" and "statistically comparable to" are in the same sentence, that screams terrible things happening. (I'm serious, look up the word "horrific" in the dictionary and you'll see; Noun; Jake Plummer's Career)

The bottom line is simple. Jessica Simpson must be stopped. She's the biggest threat to the nation since Osama Bin Laden. She's systematically destroying everything in her path. I'm beginning to fear that all hope is beginning to be lost. Time is running out. I don't know how much longer Romo can last before he succumbs to the pressures of mental incapacity at the hands of the Siren calls from Jessica Simpson.

So please, Tony, for the sake of your life, career and the hearts of Cowboy fans around the globe, do us a favor. Listen to Jason Garrett. Drop some weight and get in better shape. Drop the dead-weight of Jessica Simpson and re-connect your pelotas to your body. She's only holding you back. I'm sure somebody has to be in your ear about this daily. It's not just a coincidence. I cannot possibly be the only person on earth that's done the research and connected the dots to realize you were a pro-bowl quarterback on the brink of greatness before her and are now on the brink of being cast off into the realm of insignificant afterthoughts of a quarterbacking yesteryear.

I may dislike you, I may have wanted to trade you for Jay Cutler 2 months ago. But, I still believe your career is salvageable. If I didn't think so, I'd be writing how I want you to tear an ACL so Jon Kitna is our quarterback (wait for that column around week 4 in October).

You've got the talent and confidence you need to be successful. All you need is the moron out of your life. Just say NO to Jessica Simpson. I blame her for it all Tony. For the fact you screw around during practices and don't follow Jason Garrett or Wade Phillips' instructions, the fact you spend more time on the Golf course than you do on the football field and the fact when somebody asks you how you're going to make adjustments next time after a bad loss you say "I wake tomorrow and I keep on living." (it's kind of like "is Chicken of the Sea chicken or tuna?" No, really, it is. They're both 12 syllables. I'm not even making this up!)

Tony, it's on you. I can't stand any more horrible playoff defeats, embarrassing regular season losses, painful interceptions or botched holds on field goal attempts. (even though that was Pre-Jessica, that one still sings. Damn you Jordan Babineaux) I know I'm not alone in this. There are millions of Cowboy fans who feel the same way. You have the power to end this. Now it's on you to do it.

And just be happy that I didn't bring up the fact Alex Rodriguez is more clutch in pressure situations than you are at playing football in the month of December. Break up with Jessica or I'm spouting off all the dirty details of how you're just like A-Rod as a stat padding oaf who can't be relied on in any critical situation when the game is on the line. The parallels are all there buddy. You have Jessica. He had Madonna. I've got the stats and I'm not afraid to use them. You know what you have to do.

Until next time...

Lebron didn't shake hands, so what?

"It's hard for me to congratulate somebody after you just lose to them. I'm a winner. It's not being a poor sport or anything like that. If somebody beats you up, you're not going to congratulate them. I'm a competitor. That's what I do. It doesn't make sense for me to go over and shake somebody's hand."

-Lebron James

So it's been more than a week and a half since the Lebron's errr I mean Cavaliers were eliminated in the Eastern Conference Finals by the Orlando Magic. It's also been more than a week of the barrage of negative publicity Lebron James has received for his perceived immature behavior following May 30th's 103 - 90 loss in Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Finals.

His team had the NBA's best record in the regular season, they were the odds on favorite's to get to the NBA Finals and would be paired with the dream match-up against the Los Angeles Lakers. Kobe vs Lebron. It's what everyone wanted. It's what everyone expected. It's not what happened. You know how it happened. The Cavaliers decided to forget they had the best team defense in the league, forgot how to defend perimeter shots, forgot how to run any play except a high screen with Illgauskas and Lebron. Basically the coach of the year Mike Brown was out-classed, out-matched and out-witted by a Ron Jeremy look alike in Stan Van Gundy.

But, did any sports analyst discuss how in the last four games of that series, the Orlando Magic shot three pointers at a staggering pace, probably never seen before in any series in history? Of course not. The reason? Lebron James. In a matter of 8 days, Lebron James went from hitting one of the most unprecedented shots in NBA playoff history to being labeled as "immature and ingracious" by ESPN analyst Jalen Rose. And why is this? When the buzzer sounded and the Orlando Magic won the deciding game to eliminate Cleveland, Lebron James left the court without shaking hands with his opponents.

ALERT THE MEDIA!!!! LEBRON JAMES DIDN'T SHAKE HANDS!

With the way people are acting about this, you would've thought he went Tonya Harding on Dwight Howard's knee or Gunter Parche on Rashard Lewis (if you don't know who Gunter Parche is, a little history lesson for you, he's the psycho who stabbed Monica Seles on April 30, 1993 during a Tennis match in Hamburg, Germany). What's the big deal about not shaking hands? I know it's a general practice among professional athletes to shake hands after the game, but really, where's the harm in what he did? It's happened before. It'll happen again. Actually, it's not the first time Lebron has even done it. When the Celtics eliminated the Cavaliers last season in the Eastern Conference Finals, guess what? Lebron didn't shake their hands either. And frankly, I don't blame him.

Call him immature, say his behavior is disrespectful to his opponents, spin it however you want it, I liked it. Obviously I'm in the minority on that, since Lebron was fined $25,000 for his infraction. But, I think it was the best thing that could have ever happened. We need more of this. We need more of this in sports. I don't mean being disrespectful to opponents, or being deemed a sore loser. You can be gracious in defeat without having to shake your opponent's hand.

I mean give me a break. Before the game the players are shaking hands, hugging and wishing each other good luck. Then, the game starts and they bust their asses for 2 and a half hours pushing, shoving, trash talking, anything to get the slightest advantage, only to have the game end and the hand shaking and hugging frenzy begins again? Seriously? Does the NBA hypnotize their athletes or something? And it isn't just the NBA, they do it in the NHL and the NFL too. And frankly, I just don't get it.

Alan Hahn of Newsday stated it perfectly last week when he said, "I, was pleased to see the excruciatingly controlled King James show that he does bleed like the rest of us." Put yourself in Lebron James' shoes for a moment. You're the MVP of the league. You're the best player not only on your team, but in the entire league and probably on the entire planet. You play for the best team, you ARE the franchise. You play in Cleveland, a city that hasn't won a championship in nearly 50 years. The weight of the world is on your shoulders. And you lose to a team that nobody really gave a chance to. You come up short, yet again at reaching the pinnacle of success. You work hard every day of your life to win a championship and it gets taken from you. You are tired. You are pissed off and upset that you just lost. You feel like you not only let yourself and your team down, but an entire city. You carry that burden with you. And you're expected to shake hands right away and say "hey, good job kicking my butt all over the place. Go get 'em big guy"? Hardly.

In the NBA today, the players aren't allowed to express any sort of emotion. They're basically robots. They're told what to wear, how to conduct themselves, what to say, what not to say, etc. The pre-game rituals of handshakes and hugging, the post-game handshakes and hugging. It's all contrived.

Basketball may be a game, but it's also their job. It's a competitive job. Look at it this way, if you're working in an office and you're up for this huge promotion, but, there's another 30 people at the office who are up for it as well, are you going to pull out all the stops to get it? Odds are that most of you (myself included) would do anything it takes to get where you need to be. Handshakes are reserved for friendly encounters between individuals. In the game of basketball, with a championship at stake, there should be no room for friendly encounters. In the illustrious words of Shaquille O'neal "winning a championship, takes everything you've got".

That's why I absolutely loved the fact that Lebron James didn't follow the traditions of the sport and have the customary hand shake after the game. He was acting off his emotion. That wasn't contrived, it wasn't the fake hug and smile that you see half these athletes give each other when they could probably care less about most of these guys. I mean give me a break. Half the time after the Laker's win a game, Kobe Bryant probably doesn't recognize who half the guys are on his team he's shaking hands with.

The sporting world needs to get rid of all the lovey-dovey hand shaking and we are the world type behavior. I'm not saying the players should be going out with pitch forks and torches looking to start a riot, but a little feistiness is something every sport could use.

When Roger Federer lost the 2008 Wimbledon Final to Rafael Nadal in arguably one of the greatest Tennis Matches in history, he shook Nadal's hand, as is customary when a tennis match is complete. Do you think he wanted to? After 4 hours and 48 minutes of back and forth grueling action, do you think he wanted to shake his main rivals hand after such an emotionally draining defeat? If you just answered yes to either of those questions, please, just stop reading now and kill yourself, because you may be the antichrist. THERE'S NO WAY HE WANTED TO SHAKE NADAL'S HAND. Of course he respects him, but you cannot tell me after losing in that fashion that he wanted to shake another man's hand when victory was so close to him.

Or what about Tiger Woods? Since I'm not convinced he's even human (I swear to God he's a cyborg sent from the future. They're making Terminator 5: Quest for a Green Jacket next year starring Tiger). Remember him playing on one leg at last year's US Open? Do you think, if after he made that impressive comeback, with all the emotion he exerted, everything he put into his triumphs that day, he'd want to shake Rocco Mediates hand if he had lost? Let's say Tiger doesn't sink that putt to force a playoff and he loses after he had come so far, on one leg, his head crumpled towards the ground and the anger stewing in his stomach; would he want to shake Rocco's hand? Of course not. But would he? You bet he would, because that's what tradition dictates; being gracious and submissive in defeat. Here's a history lesson for you. Do you know who writes history? The winners.

That being said, there are no more true rivalries in sports. Bring back the days of the bad boy Pistons, when the entire Pistons team refused to shake the Chicago Bulls hands in the 1991 playoffs. Bring back the utter hatred Cowboys fans hold for Eagles fans for the fact they cheered when Michael Irvin's career ended (actually, that never left. I hate the entire city of Philadelphia)

People say that the Yankees - Red Sox rivalry is the greatest in sports....Uh, really? It hasn't really been a rivalry since 2004. And I don't mean because the Red Sox ended the curse and won the World Series, but because that's the last time there was even the slightest inkling of dislike between the two franchises. What happened to the days of Yankees Outfielder Jake Powell and Red Sox player-manager Joe Cronin fighting beneath the stands during a game (May 30, 1938). Or the days of Jimmy Piersall and Billy Martin getting into a skirmish before a game in the tunnel (May 24, 1952). That's what makes a rivalry more intense. When you don't like the other team and they don't like you. The brawl Thurman Munson and Carlton Fisk got into on August 1, 1973 is a prime example. Do you think they were shaking hands and having a beer together afterwards? Probably not.

The last time this rivalry had an meat on its bones was truly in Game 3 of the 2003 ALCS when Pedro Martinez hit Karim Garcia which prompted both benches clearing, then later on another bench clearing incident ends with Don Zimmer getting tossed like a lawn dart by Pedro. Those days are long gone. Now you get bombarded with stories of how Dustin Pedroia and Derek Jeter are best friends or that David Ortiz and Robinson Cano hang out together in the off-season. The days of the rivalry being intense are gone. Hell, it's hard to even find reasons to dislike their players. All of the hated enemies of the past are long gone.

Rivalries are dead in sports. Now you just get players hugging and treating each other like they're long lost brothers. Sports are supposed to be intense match-ups pitting competitors against one another. Where has that all gone?

I'm sick of all the camaraderie athletes show one another. You don't have to be best friends to respect someone else. You can be bitter enemies but still respect what they do or what they've accomplished. I don't shake hands when I lose. In fact, I basically do what Lebron James did. I put my head down and leave. Ask my brother, he'll tell you. When he beats me, it doesn't matter if he beat me by 1 or 100, I won't shake his hand.

Does that make me a sore loser? Probably in most eyes it does. But, I don't view myself as being one. Just because I won't shake your hand doesn't mean I don't respect your talents or the fact that you won. It's just not me to shake someone's hand. I think the reason Lebron James doesn't like to shake hands when he loses, is the same reason I don't. By shaking hands, it's almost as if you're admitting the other person is better than you, that they've gotten the best of you. And I won't do that. I've never done it and I never will. You wait and see, Lebron won't either.

This is probably the first and only time in my life that I will ever be able to compare myself to Lebron James, but..

It's hard for me to congratulate somebody after you lose to them. I'm a winner. It's not being a poor sport or anything like that. If somebody beats you up, you're not going to congratulate them. I'm a competitor. That's what I do. It doesn't make sense for me to go over and shake somebody's hand.

Until next time...

More random creativity...

I just had on WFAN (my first mistake) and I decided to hear what Mike Francesa was discussing on his show today (my second mistake) and of course, I had to tune in for his daily "Joba should be in the bullpen" rant. Apparently allowing 3 runs on 4 hits through 6 innings of Yesterday's game is just terrible. Against a depleted Ray's lineup, he should've pitched a no hitter. But, I guess then again, if he had done that Francesa would've beaten Joba to death for walking a better. But, if he had pitched a perfect game, he would've gotten on Joba for using too many pitches or something.

Look, I get it. Francesa wants Joba in the pen. It doesn't matter what Chamberlain does this season, next season or 10 years from now. He could retire as the greatest starting pitcher since Cy Young and Francesa would be sitting in his rocking chair 25 years from now, being given a diet coke intravenously and he'd still say Joba should've been the Yankees set-up man and future closer. If you think I'm being over-zealous, just listen to the man for 10 minutes and you'll have two emotions come over you. 1) You'll want to call up his show and just tell him how much of a moron he is...And you'll try and you'll be on hold for 45 minutes and never get through (Believe me, I go through that same emotion daily) and 2) You'll want to drive to the studio where he does his show and beat him to death with your shoe (Believe me, I've looked up the address and am ready to go whenever you are)

I swear though, Francesa's show is like being addicted to heroin. You know it's bad for you, you know it's going to have harmful effects on your health, but you do it anyway. I know listening to Francesa is bad for me, I know it's going to make me so angry I'll suffer a massive coronary one day. But, I still listen. I'm still hoping for that ONE day that he gets it. That he understands the intricacies of sports and all the knowledge he's missing out on attaining. Do some research Mike. Look up a stat on your own. LISTEN TO OTHER PEOPLE'S OPINIONS! I know I'm not right all the time. Hell, I'm probably wrong 95% of the time, but I don't just shoot down other's opinions. It's maddening to me that every single day Francesa just starts screaming at some guy who calls into his show, simply because his opinion doesn't match his own.

Maybe he's ignorant. Maybe he's thickheaded. Maybe he's too dumb for his own good. Whatever it is, Francesa will never allow somebody else to get their point across without being dismissed and belittled. And frankly, I reached my tipping point at about 3:47pm on June 8th, 2009. It is because of this, that I now present to you, "You give sports a bad name", a parody of the famous Bon Jovi song "You give love a bad name."

Take a look, hum it in your head. It's catchy. It's true. It's because of Mike Francesa that I'm putting off Graduate school work to relay my anger to you, my ranting readers.

Sung to the tune of "You give love a bad name" by Bon Jovi

You give sports a bad name

Pierced through the ears and it's a shame

Mikey, you give sports a bad name

An idiot's knowledge is what you boast

Without Dog, you're just a terrible host

Too much anger, you're such a schmuck

Ya eat too much, you need a tummy tuck

Oh! You weigh a ton, yeah

Oh! And you're just no fun

No one can save you

The show should be done

Pierced through the ears and it's a shame

You give sports a bad name

(Bad name)

Moron's who listen just give you fame

You give sports a bad name

(Bad name)

Hey, you give sports a bad name

Diet Coke's in your dreams

Joba to the pen is all he screams

It's what we need and I ask why

Your sports talk is weak and your humor is dry

Whoa! You weigh a ton

Whoa! And you're just no fun

No one can save you

The show should be done

Pierced through the ears and it's a shame

You give sports a bad name

(Bad name)

Moron's who listen just give you fame

You give sports a bad name

(Bad name)

You give sports, oh!

Oh! Pierced through the ears and it's a shame

You give sports a bad name

Moron's who listen just give you fame

You give sports a bad name

Another Bout of Spur of the Moment Creativity...

With the Yankees and Red Sox starting a 3 game series Tuesday evening in Boston, I felt the need to take another slight jab at their most famed player, David Ortiz. You may remember last week that I wrote a piece on Ortiz, saying in the most subtle way that he's done, it's over, throw the towel in on his career. Well, as of this writing, Ortiz is still batting a woeful .197 with just 2 home runs and 22 runs batted in. I should point out he's now got as many home runs as Milwaukee Brewer's pitcher Yovani Gallardo and fewer runs batted in than Mark Teixeira had in two weeks last month. (Granted, I should point out the little Gnome and reigning American League Most Valuable player Dustin Pedroia only has 2 home runs and 23 runs batted in too...)

Now although the Yankees haven't beaten the Red Sox in 5 attempts yet this season, we are still in first place, albeit by the slimmest of margins. And although this will probably work as a reverse jinx on ressurect the career of David Ortiz and force me to eat crow for every negative word I've written about him, I'm continuing on with this anyway...

In 1987, the band Europe came out with a hit single (no, it's not the Final Countdown...to Daivd Ortiz's career...hahaha get it?)...It was a power ballad called "Carrie" about the end of a relationship. Well, I'm now taking it upon myself to present to you "Papi", a song written for David "Big Papi" Ortiz, from the perspective of Red Sox manager Terry Francona.

(Editors Note: This song is being dedicated to every member of Red Sox Nation)

Sung to the tune of "Carrie" by Europe:

Papi

When ball games start, I see no reason

For you to hit, think about this every day

In every game, all situations

I know you've tried

But please don't ask to play

Can't you see it in your swing

Though this might be your last at bat

Papi

Papi

Your talents gone my friend

Woh ohh

Papi

Papi

Maybe you'll play again

Someday, in Japan

I see you play, with no confidence

In every at bat, I wish you'd sit on the bench

I've taken my time

And shown a lot of patience

You suck now, are you the black Kevin Mench?

Can't you see it in your swing

Though this might be your last at bat

Papi

Papi

Your talents gone my friend

Woh ohh

Papi

Papi

Maybe you'll play again

Someday, in Japan

Ohh

Can't you see it in your swing

Though this might be your last at bat

(ohh ho ho)

Ohh

Papi

Papi

Ohh, your talents gone my friend

Papi, Papi, Papi

(Ohh ho ho)

Papi

Papi

Maybe you'll play again

Someday, in Japan

When ball games start