From the time I was a young boy pretending I was the left
handed version of my baseball idol Alvaro Espinoza (hey, I had poor taste in sports heroes, gimme a break), to my early
adolescence envisioning myself standing atop the pitchers mound in Yankee
Stadium for Game 7 of the World Series, I’ve always strove for what seemed
impossible.
As time
went by, the dreams in which I hoped to achieve began to reach a level that was
actually attainable; but, for whatever the reason, whether it was health
related or just sheer trepidation, I never could amount to the levels of
expectation or success I held for myself, so they still seemed impossible.
My life has been a continuous story of facing adversity and
letting it defeat me. For over 20 years of my life, I’ve felt like it was a
curse to be me. The various illnesses and surgeries I’ve faced and the
questions that always seem to surround my overall health, I always looked at as
being the never ending saga of misery that shaped who I was.
Dealing
with even the tiniest bit of adversity was still too much for me to handle. Not
only was I physically weak, but I was mentally and emotionally weaker because I
wouldn’t allow myself to not be. It was easier to point the finger and look for
something or someone to blame, than to deal with what was in front of me.
Whether it
be storming away from the basketball hoop in our driveway when the score seemed
too far out of reach, because ‘he didn’t play fair’ (my brother has never been one to let me win at anything…jerk), to
locking myself in my bedroom for weeks at a time after receiving bad news from
the doctor saying ‘why me?’, I would fade off into the darkness the second
things became bleak. I never found my moment of clarity where I completed something
that I felt give me a sense of accomplishment.
It wasn’t
until a few months ago that I began to realize that all of the tribulations I
faced from my childhood, through my early adulthood, were a blessing and the
motivating factor in developing the man I’ve now become (not to mention that I was a sore loser, but I still am, not going to
lie). While the health struggles I faced often times made it difficult for
me to even find the strength to get out of bed, I finally have the answer to
the question ‘why me?’ All of my life, I've been put through a series of tests
by my body. It was always meant as a way to find the strength within myself and
in my mind to push past the negativity and not allow myself to just give up.
Gone are the days where I would
receive bad news and journey off into a cocoon of self-pity. Gone are the times
where one knee surgery would inevitably turn into a second because the rehab
didn’t go as planned. After years of letting life hit me with everything its
got, I’m finally ready and able to hit back. I have trained my mind and my body
will follow.
For the
past 8 months I’ve been a complete gym rat. At the gym 6 days a week, obsessed
with getting into the best possible shape I can. Family, friends and co-workers
think I’m crazy for this (if you’re
reading this and nodding in agreement with that statement, then I guess I was
referring to you), because it consumes who I am. All I think about is what
my next workout is going to be, all I want to talk about is what my previous
workout was (cue to my girlfriend rolling
her eyes and shaking her head).
But, despite all that, it was my
brother, not me, who recently pushed his body to its limit and found what he
was made of. Last weekend, after months of diligent training, he competed in
his first (and most certainly not last)
Spartan Race. If you are unaware of what that is, allow me to enlighten you.
The Spartan
Race is essentially a long distance obstacle race that includes obstacles
ranging from Navy SEAL training to American Gladiators. It has been described
by the New York Times as being “Survivor
meets Jackass,” designed to push an athlete ‘to his or her limits’, but ‘seeks
to motivate participants to become active, healthy and return habits where
running through woods, getting dirty, and facing adversity is a part of
everyday life.’
ESPN calls
the Spartan Race “a true test of will.”
My brother,
told me in a text after he crossed (or
crawled to) the finish line, "I'm not gonna lie to you, it was the
toughest thing I've ever done in my life, but the reward I felt when I finished
was worth it"
That rush
of excitement, the sheer jubilation of pushing yourself to the limit and
accomplishing what you set out to do is what my life is missing. It’s what it’s
been missing for 26 years. It’s what I’ve longed to find and it’s what I now
see on my horizon.
I’ve always
looked up to my brother. Being 5 years younger than him, I’ve spent a lot of time
taking the opposite path in life that he has taken, learning from his mistakes,
while making some of my own. But, it’s been a rare occasion where I have ever
been truly envious of him and wished I had the fortitude to do what he did.
My brother posed a challenge to me last week, asking me to
do the Spartan Race with him next year, to feel that same sense of
accomplishment that he felt at the end. I’ve been debating this back and forth
in my mind, weighing the pros and cons of my possible decision. All my life in
the face of adversity, I’ve somehow managed to overcome it and beat the odds.
Well, what are the odds I’d be able to muster up the toughness to complete this
race?
What kind
of odds would you give to a man who has overcome 1 knee surgery to finish the
Spartan Race? 5 to 1?
What do you
think the odds would be if that were 2 knee surgeries? 10 to 1?
What about
7 knee surgeries? 20 to 1?
What about
the odds of someone who has beaten the symptoms of Rheumatoid Arthritis?
25 to 1?
What kind
of odds would you give a guy who’s overcome two heart conditions? 30 to 1?
Do you think
anybody would even expect someone to finish the Spartan Race who has endured
all of 7 knee surgeries, two heart conditions and rheumatoid arthritis?
To the
average person, it would seem nearly impossible.
Well, I’m a Ramey. Head injuries and years of
alcohol abuse has left me too proud to quit and too stubborn to stop. So, if you haven’t figured out where
I’m going with this, then when I cross the finish line of the Spartan Race on
June 1, 2013, I’ll be the very first person to tell you in the words that Kevin
Garnett made famous after he won his first NBA Championship,
Anything is possible
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