3.8 Seconds

If you had one shot or one opportunity

To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment

Would you capture it? Or just let it slip?

- Eminem

Who would have thought that words echoed by rap artist Eminem would ring so true in what I'm about to discuss. The Yankees - Red Sox rivalry, the sporting equivalent of the Greek's and the Persian's has spanned the course of time for nearly a century since the date of January 3, 1920; the day Babe Ruth was sold to the Yankees. From that point on, the rivalry had begun and would evolve on and off the field with players and fans alike, but, we'll get back to that in a minute.

Let's fast forward 84 years, 9 months and 15 days. The date on the calendar reads October 17, 2004. For any Yankee or Red Sox fan, this is a day held in infamy; it's the day it all changed. The Yankees are one year removed from defeating the Red Sox in the 2003 American League Championship Series in one of the greatest playoff series in history. The Yankees now find themselves a mere 3 outs away from their second consecutive playoff elimination of the Boston Red Sox and successfully winning their 40th Major League pennant. Mariano Rivera, the greatest relief pitcher in baseball history stoically stands atop the mound, his heart pounding, but his nerves undeniably calm. Nobody is aware of the history altering moment that is about to happen.

Kevin Millar steps into the batter's box leading off the 9th inning, as the Red Sox trail the Yankees by a run at 4 - 3. Miraculously, Millar works a walk on 5 pitches and trots slowly to first base. Emerging from the Red Sox dugout is little used reserve outfielder, Dave Roberts, to pinch run for Millar. As he takes his lead off first base, Mariano Rivera makes a snap throw to first base to keep him close, then another, then a third throw. It's obvious to all that Roberts' is the main concern for every player in a Yankee uniform. As Rivera comes to a set and delivers the pitch to home plate, Roberts makes a mad dash for 2nd base, and history is unknowingly made.

Remember that quote from before? In the time it took to read it, Dave Roberts seized his opportunity and captured his moment. 3.8 seconds to change the course of baseball history as we know it. 3.8 seconds to erase 86 years of futility and alter the lives of two entire fan bases. The Yankees - Red Sox rivalry truly started the day Babe Ruth was sold to New York and it ended on the field in those 3.8 seconds.

That's the moment it all changed, where the Red Sox took the momentum and stepped on the throttle towards history. You know how the story ends; the Red Sox tied the game 2 pitches later, went on to win in extra innings and rode the wave of momentum for 7 more consecutive wins to demolish the Yankees and St. Louis Cardinals en route to the most historic comeback in sports history and their first world championship in 86 years.

The rivalry hasn't been the same since that fateful night. It's as if we've stepped into another dimension, where everything has turned upside down. The Red Sox are now the greatest franchise in sports, having won 2 world championships in five seasons and the Yankees have taken on the role of the perennial loser.

People say that the Yankees - Red Sox rivalry is the greatest in all of sports. What they fail to realize is that the rivalry on the field no longer exists with the same brooding hatred that can be found in the stands. The rivalry on the field hasn't exuded the same level of animosity since that night in 2004. And I don't mean because the Red Sox ended the Curse of the Bambino and won the World Series, but because that's the last time there was even the slightest inkling of dislike between the two franchises. What happened to the old days of Yankees outfielder Jake Powell and Red Sox manager Joe Cronin fighting beneath the stands during a game (May 30, 1938)? Or the days of Jimmy Piersall and Billy Martin squaring off in the tunnel before a game (May 24, 1952)? That's what is currently missing in the rivalry.

There's far too much camaraderie between the players. Whether it's the stories of Derek Jeter and Dustin Pedroia becoming acquaintances during the World Baseball Classic, or the friendship fellow Dominican's Robinson Cano and David Ortiz share, the days of the rivalry being intense are a far distant memory. To be perfectly honest, the last time this rivalry had any meat on its bones was in Game 3 of the 2003 ALCS, when Pedro Martinez hit Karim Garcia in the back, prompting both benches to empty, and then later on culminated with Yankees coach Don Zimmer being tossed like a lawn dart by Pedro.

Realize with every continued stroke of the keyboard my blood boils with anger. I am NOT a Red Sox fan. I hate the Red Sox with every fiber of my being. My loyalties lie with my New York Yankees. I will not knowingly befriend a Red Sox fan and I certainly will never date a fan of Boston. They don't like me and I hate them. It's how I was raised; it's how I will raise my children. They are the enemy. I know that's how they were raised to feel about us and that's perfectly fine in my eyes. It's the way the rivalry used to be and it's the way it will continue to be from every fans perspective. But, that is where the Yankees - Red Sox rivalry ends. Now it only exists flowing in the blood of the fans.

Can the rivalry on the field be reinvigorated with the passion and disdain that each fan feels for their opposition? Only time will tell, but, it's at least a comforting thought deep in the heart of this Yankee fan to know that it only takes 3.8 seconds to change the course of history. Here's hoping the Yankees get their one shot or one opportunity to seize everything they ever wanted in one moment. And here's hoping they capture it and don't let it slip.

The Luxury Tax Conundrum

For the 2009 Major League Baseball season, the New York Yankees have the highest payroll for the ninth consecutive year, paying their players a total salary of $201.4 million. The next highest club is the New York Mets with a payroll of $149.4 million. The luxury tax threshold for this season is $162 million. In case you aren't familiar with what that exactly means, let me explain it to you. Any team whose payroll is over the luxury tex threshold ($162 million this season) has to pay a certain percentage rate; 22.5% for exceeding the limit the first time, 30% for the second time and 40% for every subsequent infraction. Because of this, the Yankees will be paying nearly $16 million in luxury tax expenses for the current season (they are the only team over the threshold).

The purpose of a luxury tax is to prevent teams in "major markets" with high incomes from signing the most talented players, ergo destroying the competitive balance in the sport. The money that is then gained from the luxury tax is divided up among the teams in the "smaller markets", to allow them to accrue more revenue and maintain a competitive level with the rest of the league.

Let me be the first to say how truly ridiculous that is. The Yankees are considered "bad for baseball" by so many purists because they overspend on player contracts to get individuals to sign with New York. Just this past off-season, they doled out over $420 million to sign Mark Teixeira, CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett. And according to every sports columnist, the Yankees are "buying a championship." Right, the Yankees are signing players they feel they need in order to compete, or dare I say, maintain a competitive level with the rest of the league and they are bad for baseball?

Over the past 6 years, the Yankees have had to pay the highest amount for the luxury tax to the "small market teams" so they can remain competitive with those big bad boys of the large media markets (Yankees, Mets, Red Sox, Dodgers, etc). To the un-informed reader, that would seem fair. You see teams like the Minnesota Twins, Washington Nationals, Florida marlins, etc and you see them with mediocre talent, low payrolls and you curse the name of George Steinbrenner for making it so impossible for those teams to compete!

Well, newsflash genius, those teams can compete, they just choose not to. I'm sick of the Yankees having to pay the luxury tax year in and year out. I think it's ridiculous that the REd Sox have had to pay the luxury tax twice, or that the Tigers have had to pay it as well. I'm sick of all this "small market" hooplah that I hear every single day. So the Yankees have the highest payroll, we have the highest player contracts, blah, blah, blah. With the way these media outlets spout off in a barrage of anti-Yankee rhetoric, you would think that George Steinbrenner is the richest owner in sports and just throws out large denominations of cash to lure those players as he sports a greedy smile on his face.

Too bad that isn't true. Not even close to true in fact.

George Steinbrenner is worth $1.3 billion, which is a pretty substantial amount. He's worth more money than 2/3 of the other owners in Major League Baseball. now, I'm not saying he's poor by any stretch of the imagination, since obviously he has a large amount of cash in his name. But, were you area of the fact that there are currently 9 other owners, or ownership groups worth more (and in some cases considerably more) than the New York Yankees owner? I bet the mainstream media didn't really clue you, or anyone else into that. Listed below are the names of the owner's currently worth more than George Steinbrenner and the teams they are currently in charge of:

Chicago Cubs: Thomas S. Rickets - $1.3 Billion

Texas Rangers: Thomas O. Hicks - $1.4 Billion

Detroit Tigers: Mike Illitch - $1.6 Billion

Houston Astros: Drayton McLane, Jr. - $1.6 Billion

Atlanta Braves: Liberty Media - $2.3 Billion

Cleveland Indians: Larry Dolan - $3.3 Billion

Washington Nationals: Theodore N. Lerner - $3.5 Billion

Minnesota Twins: Carl Pohlad - $3.6 Billion

Seattle Mariners: Nintendo Corporation - $257.4 Billion (yes, you read that right, Nintendo owns the Mariners and the entire corporation is worth nearly a quarter of a trillion dollars)

Notice any teams that really jump out at you? Possible perennial payroll bottom dwellers and mid-market teams such as the Washington Nationals and Minnesota Twins? Seems rather peculiar that two of the least spending teams in Major League Baseball boast the wealthiest owners, doesn't it? But wait, I thought they were just poor lowly teams that can't afford to compete with the endless finances that teams like the Yankees offer other players. I mean after all, the Twins payroll this season is only $65.3 million and the Nationals is no better at $60.3 million. How can these victims of the Yankees tyranny honestly compete with a monetary juggernaut like George Steinbrenner? (in case you haven't realized it, I'm being sarcastic and I'm laying it on pretty thick)

Bet you didn't know that, huh? Weren't aware that the wealthiest owners were in charge of some of the lowest spending teams? Of course not, because nobody wants you to know that. The media to portray the Yankees and teams like them in such a negative light that it makes the story seem interesting. Would you read a story (kinda like this one, so I guess you would) that speaks about the other owner's who refuse to spend money? Like you honestly know who Theodore Lerner or Carl Pohlad are? Well, I do, because I've researched this topic endlessly because it aggravates me so much. Their refusal to spend money has forced Major League Baseball into this conundrum (I had to slip it in there at some point) of having a luxury tax. They are rewarding ineptitude and that's utterly mind boggling.

Major League Baseball implemented the luxury tax to punish teams like the New York Yankees for spending so much money on signing players. They initiated this as a way to "keep the game competitive and every team on equal footing." In reality, the sport needs more owners like George Steinbrenner. He's good for baseball. The Steinbrenner's are one of the only ownership groups in Major League Baseball willing to do whatever it takes to win. They are the only owners who put the fans first and worry about the product on the field, rather than the bottom line. It's purely ludicrous that the Yankees or any other team that exceeds the luxury tax threshold has to give millions of dollars to those "small market" teams, when their owners are worth nearly twice as much!

In effect you are penalizing any owner's passion and desire to win at any cost. We should be applauding owners like George Steinbrenner, Frank McCourt, Fred Wilpon and John Henry. They are more than willing to take the necessary steps they see fit to put the best team possible on the field. They are willing to spend money to put the best product on the field for the fans.

I propose that the luxury tax should work in reverse order. Set a precedent for how much money each team should spend each season. If they don't spend the minimum amount, they should be penalized and have to pay the other teams in baseball a percentage. Now that's the way you maintain a competitive balance. Force the teams that refuse to spend money to open up their wallets and at least pretend they're attempting to be competitive.

I'm sick and tired of hearing about the Yankees are "buying championships" simply because we have an owner who is willing to set aside business ventures and puts the team and wining first and foremost. If we have to cut one more check to teams like the Nationals or Twins, I may be sick to my stomach. Somebody write your Congressman! Implore them to force these cheapskate owners to at least pretend like they give a crap about their team or the fans.

I'm talking directly to you Theodore Lerner. And to you (the family of) Carl Pohlad. You boast two of the lowest payrolls in all of sports, yet you're both worth over $3.5 Billion respectively. Tell me where's the justice in that? They receive millions of dollars per year from the Yankees as a part of revenue sharing, so their teams can "maintain a competitive level."

Hey, tell you what, if you spent the same percentage of your net worth on your team's payroll, we'd be begging you to share some money for our poor small market Yankees. George Steinbrenner spends nearly 17% of his net worth on the Yankees payroll alone. Do you know how much the Nationals payroll would be if Theodore Lerner spent the same 17% of his net worth on his team? Their payroll would be a whopping $595 million.

If that doesn't prove a point, I don't know what will. George Steinbrenner and owner's cut from the same mold as him are not bad for baseball. Teams like the New York Yankees don't hurt the competitive balance in the sport. You want to know what is bad for the sport? Take a look at all those teams on the receiving end of the revenue sharing. It's people like Theodore Lerner that are hurting the sport and compromising the competitive balance in baseball.

Until next time...

When crime does pay

Usually I will use this blog as a forum to vent my frustrations about why the Yankees did this, or why the Cowboys didn't do that, basically just airing out the grievances I have with my beloved professional sports teams. But, I feel I need to take a slight detour in my thinking (with a lot less humor) and talk about something else in the sports world that has ravaged me with anger; the way athletes are treated by the law makers of this country. It's absolutely incredulous and frankly I am becoming sickened by the lack of justice that is bestowed upon athletes for serious offenses.

With the recent news that Plaxico Burress is getting his court date adjourned until September, where he is assured of having it adjourned AGAIN until the following summer, so it enables him to play in the upcoming NFL season is beyond ridiculous.

The man carried an un-licensed handgun into a public place in New York City, the gun was discharged and he was lucky he only accidentally shot himself and not an innocent bystander. The crime is punishable by up to 3 1/2 years in prison, but, will he see a day in jail? I'd likely bet he won't. I think it's more probable that the court system in New York will force Burress to pay a hefty fine and have to serve a considerable amount of community service, to "set an example." Is that fair? Absolutely not. If you, or I, were driving from Connecticut and got pulled over just across the border into New York and we were merely in possession of an un-licensed hand gun, we'd be arrested on the spot and would serve at least 12 months in a state corrections facility, no questions asked. That's the law. That's the way the law works; unless you're a professional athlete.

Then you have the case of Cleveland Browns Wide Receiver Donte Stallworth. In case you aren't familiar with this particular individual, on the morning of March 14, 2009, Stallworth struck and killed a pedestrian in Miami Beach, Florida. Police estimated that Stallworth was speeding and he was under the influence of alcohol. He was subsequently arrested and charged with DUI and second degree manslaughter. A few days ago he pled guilty to the charges and received a sentence of 30 days in jail, 2 years house arrest and 8 years of probation. He also agreed to some form of monetary compensation to the victim's family. Now, I ask you, is this fair? Once again, absolutely not. In the state of Florida, the prison sentence for second degree manslaughter is 15 years in prison and at least $10,000 in fines. If I was the offending participant and 'accidentally' killed that man while I was driving intoxicated at 7am, you know the next time you'd be seeing me? Around the year 2024 sounds about right. And do you know why that is? Because my pockets aren't lined with hundred dollar bills.

Are you beginning to see the point I'm trying to make? Athletes are treated above the law, simply because they have a famous face and a wad of cash in their wallet. To provide further evidence to my claims, I'll share with you the names of a few other athletes, the crimes they committed, the sentences they (didn't) receive and what the law would constitute as proper punishment if it was me who was the perpetrator.

In 1998, St. Louis Rams defensive end Leonard Little left a birthday party drunk, crashed into and killed a woman. When his blood alcohol level was tested, it measured 0.19 percent, a level that was well over twice the level of intoxication of 0.08 in the state of Missouri. He was convicted of involuntary manslaughter and served a whopping 90 days in jail. Really, 90 days? That's it for killing a woman? That can't be the law in the state of Missouri, can it? Nope, it isn't. In fact, that's not even nearly the type of sentence you can receive for such a crime. Just last year a man was convicted of involuntary manslaughter for causing a crash in Missouri when he was high on marijuana (obviously still impaired, but not to the extent that a 0.19 would have you be) and he received a total of 11 years in prison, without the possibility of parole. Welcome to the United States Justice System. Two men commit the exact same crime, one of them is a professional athlete, the other is just a regular guy; the athlete gets a slap on the wrist and the regular Joe gets put in the slammer with the key thrown away. God Bless America!

In 1989, New York Yankees outfield Luis Polonia was arrested on a road trip in Milwaukee for having sexual relations with a 15 year old girl. He was charged and eventually convicted of the crime of having sex with a minor. He received 30 days in jail. Now doesn't that seem a little lenient to you? I researched the statutes and laws dealing with the repercussions of being convicted for having sex with a minor. Based on the different sentences I came across, the crime usually yields a sentence between 6 months and 20 years. Yes, you can get up to 20 years as a FIRST time offender for this crime. Luis Polonia received 30 days. If I got arrested for that sort of crime, you'd be seeing me somewhere between the ages of 24 and 43, depending on how severely the judge wishes to punish me. But, if I was a famous athlete, see you in a month. Fair? not by a long-shot.

Former NBA player (and current Lebanese club "Champville" player) Ruben Patterson was convicted in 2001 of 3rd degree rape of his child's nanny in September 2000. I researched the laws in the state of Washington (where Patterson was residing at the time as a member of the Seattle Supersonics) and the crime of 3rd degree rape is punishable by a prison sentence of up to 5 years in prison. How long do you think Ruben Patterson served in prison? Luis Polonia served 30 days just a decade earlier for a less severe crime (less severe because he didn't force himself on the girl, she was a willing participant since she arranged to meet with him). So, if it was a more severe crime, you'd think he'd serve somewhere between a few months and 5 years, right? Nope. He served 15 days. FIFTEEN DAYS! 15 days for raping your nanny. Welcome to the life of a professional athlete. Fair or not fair? And the survey says....NOT FAIR

Notice that I'm still yet to mention Orenthal James (O.J.) Simpson. Well, let me explain the reasoning behind his absence in this list. The court system for athletes finally caught up to him! He originally got away with murder, because he was a flashy former athlete who had a ton of money. But, all the civil lawsuits later, and he's just another poor man, who gets arrested for robbery and kidnapping and uh oh! You can't buy your way out of prison like it's a monopoly game. Sorry, O.J. You do not pass GO, you do not collect your $200. You go directly to jail. See you in 9 1/2 to 33. Johnny Cochran couldn't have even helped you out this one. You'll get to spend probably the rest of your life finding out if prison inmates like vitamin C (get it? Because O.J.'s nickname was "the juice" and Orange Juice has vitamin C! Oh shut up, I thought it was funny. I hate you all)

What is the message being sent to kids? They look up to professional athletes; they idolize them and consider them to be heroes in the eyes of an innocent child. So the message being sent is "hey kids, if you work really hard and excel in sports, you can do anything you want and get away with it!"

Well, that would be the case if you were any athlete other than Michael Vick. He's currently finishing out the 2 year prison sentence he was given for his part in a dog fighting ring. He has had to pay over $1 million for care and rehabilitation for the surviving dogs and has been suspended from the NFL for the past 2 years. When he is finally released in July and able to return to a normal life and hopefully resume his NFL career, the Commissioner of the NFL Roger Goodell has made it abundantly clear that he may seek further punishment against Vick.

So, let me get this straight. Leonard Little and Donte Stallworth have both killed individuals because they were driving drunk and receive slaps on the wrist. Plaxico Burress fires a weapon in a crowded New York club and he'll get off virtually unpunished. Ruben Patterson rapes a woman and he gets a cake-walk jail sentence. But Michael Vick harms animals and receives 2 years? Where is the justice in that? Now before you get all PETA on me and attempt to bite my head off, realize I'm not condoning what Vick did. I think it's reprehensible and I'm glad he was prosecuted and put in jail for his transgressions, but, doesn't it seem rather dubious that out of every criminal infraction that I've mentioned (O.J. and his empty pockets aside) he receives the stiffest punishment?

That's the country we live in. Kill an innocent man and receive a few inconveniences in your star studded life. Kill an innocent animal and get prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Only in America do we value the life an animal over the life of another human being.

The age old saying; "crime doesn't pay" is obviously incorrect. Crime only pays when you have money. Just ask Plaxico Burress or Donte Stallworth.

Until next time...

Why Jessica Simpson needs to go

Alright, well as you all know, I am a Dallas Cowboys fan. (yea yea, insert your random "Cowboys suck and the Giants/Eagles/Redskins/whoever are better) And I have been very adamant about my disdain for Cowboys Quarterback Tony Romo. It's not that I think he's a bad guy (really, he's a jackass) or a bad quarterback (he ain't no Troy Aikman). It's just that I'm really, REALLY sick of how he puts EVERYTHING ELSE ON EARTH before Football.

For example, now, I'm not saying that I want the guy to live and die with football, say to hell with his family and just spend 12 months a year in full blown football mode, but it'd sure as hell be nice to know that he's at least keeping in shape (and I don't mean round)

I was watching Sportscenter this morning and they reported that the Dallas Cowboys Offensive Coordinator Jason Garrett (The offensive schmuck who went from being an offensive guru to an offensive Forrest Gump in about 3.5 nanoseconds) has asked Tony Romo to shed about 15 pounds of weight (really, he meant girth) for the upcoming season, because he was getting a little round about the edges. THAT'S JUST FANTASTIC!

So, you're being paid 67.5 million over the next 6 years and you decide you want to let yourself go during the off-season? Hey buddy, last time I checked, Christmas was 6 months ago. There are no fruitcakes and there isn't any thanksgiving turkey right around the corner either. You have NO reason whatsoever to be out of shape with training camp 3 and a half weeks away.

Obviously, I found who to blame. No Tony, I don't blame you for your doughy appearance and unsightly man-boobs. I blame the woman on your arm, Jessica Simpson. I blame you. You hussy. How many careers can you harpoon and ruin? I mean first it was poor Nick Lachey. He barely got of that marriage without killing himself because of your stupidity (she once honestly asked if "Chicken of the Sea" was really chicken or tuna). Then you ruined your own pop-singing career by attempting to become a country singer (epic failure) and to make your career even worse you got fat, denied getting fat, even though it was so painfully obvious you were fat, then you shed the weight and Tony Romo gets husky (my conspiracy theory is that she has in fact not lost any weight, she just made Romo get so big she looks thin by comparison).

So thank you, Jessica. You're a bigger jinx than the curse of the Bambino, the curse of the Billy Goat and Yoko Ono. It is no wonder that Cowboys fans refer to you as Yoko Romo. You're a train wreck waiting to happen. You've been dating Tony Romo for just over 18 months now and let's go through some of the missteps you've caused in your relationship, shall we?

The first Cowboy game you ever went to as Tony Romo's beau, you proudly sported a pink Tony Romo jersey (let me go on record saying I hate pink jerseys. I don't care what sport it is, football, baseball, hockey or badminton, pink jerseys are terrible. I don't care if it's female sportswear. You look like a powder puff girl) and Tony went on to have the WORST GAME OF HIS CAREER!!!

Then, to make life even worse for Cowboys fans, you decide to make Romo take you on vacation THE WEEK BEFORE THE BIGGEST PLAYOFF GAME OF HIS LIFE?!?!?!?!?! Really? Really now was that necessary? Couldn't it have waited two weeks? Or three weeks? But noooo, you just HAD to go to Mexico didn't you? I loathe you

I mean the number of people who dislike you and wish horrible things upon you cannot be quantified (really, scientists have determined the number of individuals who hate Jessica Simpson is larger than Pi). You know the whole "jinx theory" gets bad when President Bush takes a potshot at you when the Giants were at the White House for the traditional reception for the Super Bowl Winning team, when he said "we're going to send Jessica Simpson to the Democratic National Convention" (great, when that idiot makes fun of you, you know you're screwed)

But, all of the extra-curricula's aside, you really are just plain old bad luck. I don't know if you just cast a black shadow over everything you touch or you just make people stupid by spending time with you, but it's true. Tony Romo was a terrific young quarterback on the way to superstardom, then it all changed when he met you. Now he's a quarterback who's passion, talents and attitude are in question. A man who was once on his way to being in the upper-echelon of NFL quarterbacks, now finds himself mired in the muck of being just another man (a rich man's Matt Schaub if you will) Don't believe me? Well, as always, I've got the stats to prove it

Tony Romo BEFORE Jessica Simpson:

Record as a starter: 14 - 5

Passing Yards: 5,751

Yards Per game: 302.7

Average Yards Gained Per Attempt: 8.70

Passing Touchdowns: 47

Interceptions: 25

Completions: 432

Attempts: 661

Completion Percentage: 65%

Fumbles: 3

Fumbles lost: 0

Quarterback Rating: 100.3

Best Statistical Comparison Over 16 Game Season: Drew Brees in 2008

Tony Romo SINCE Jessica Simpson

Record as a starter: 12 - 7

Passing Yards: 4,541

Yards Per Game: 239

Average Yards Gained Per Attempt: 7.02

Passing Touchdowns: 35

Interceptions: 21

Completions: 399

Attempts: 646

Completion Percentage: 61%

Fumbles: 8

Fumbles lost: 4

Quarterback Rating: 87.8

Best Comparison Over 16 Game Season: Jake Plummer in 2004

Honestly, the numbers speak for themselves. The 19 games Romo started before he began dating Jessica Simpson had him basically in a league of his own. The only quarterback over that span that had better numbers than Romo were Tom Brady, whose numbers are staggering. Then, in the subsequent 19 games Romo has been a starter (kinda ironic it's the same amount of games, huh?) his numbers are considerably worse and he compares to Jake Plummer. Anytime the words "Jake Plummer" and "statistically comparable to" are in the same sentence, that screams terrible things happening. (I'm serious, look up the word "horrific" in the dictionary and you'll see; Noun; Jake Plummer's Career)

The bottom line is simple. Jessica Simpson must be stopped. She's the biggest threat to the nation since Osama Bin Laden. She's systematically destroying everything in her path. I'm beginning to fear that all hope is beginning to be lost. Time is running out. I don't know how much longer Romo can last before he succumbs to the pressures of mental incapacity at the hands of the Siren calls from Jessica Simpson.

So please, Tony, for the sake of your life, career and the hearts of Cowboy fans around the globe, do us a favor. Listen to Jason Garrett. Drop some weight and get in better shape. Drop the dead-weight of Jessica Simpson and re-connect your pelotas to your body. She's only holding you back. I'm sure somebody has to be in your ear about this daily. It's not just a coincidence. I cannot possibly be the only person on earth that's done the research and connected the dots to realize you were a pro-bowl quarterback on the brink of greatness before her and are now on the brink of being cast off into the realm of insignificant afterthoughts of a quarterbacking yesteryear.

I may dislike you, I may have wanted to trade you for Jay Cutler 2 months ago. But, I still believe your career is salvageable. If I didn't think so, I'd be writing how I want you to tear an ACL so Jon Kitna is our quarterback (wait for that column around week 4 in October).

You've got the talent and confidence you need to be successful. All you need is the moron out of your life. Just say NO to Jessica Simpson. I blame her for it all Tony. For the fact you screw around during practices and don't follow Jason Garrett or Wade Phillips' instructions, the fact you spend more time on the Golf course than you do on the football field and the fact when somebody asks you how you're going to make adjustments next time after a bad loss you say "I wake tomorrow and I keep on living." (it's kind of like "is Chicken of the Sea chicken or tuna?" No, really, it is. They're both 12 syllables. I'm not even making this up!)

Tony, it's on you. I can't stand any more horrible playoff defeats, embarrassing regular season losses, painful interceptions or botched holds on field goal attempts. (even though that was Pre-Jessica, that one still sings. Damn you Jordan Babineaux) I know I'm not alone in this. There are millions of Cowboy fans who feel the same way. You have the power to end this. Now it's on you to do it.

And just be happy that I didn't bring up the fact Alex Rodriguez is more clutch in pressure situations than you are at playing football in the month of December. Break up with Jessica or I'm spouting off all the dirty details of how you're just like A-Rod as a stat padding oaf who can't be relied on in any critical situation when the game is on the line. The parallels are all there buddy. You have Jessica. He had Madonna. I've got the stats and I'm not afraid to use them. You know what you have to do.

Until next time...

Lebron didn't shake hands, so what?

"It's hard for me to congratulate somebody after you just lose to them. I'm a winner. It's not being a poor sport or anything like that. If somebody beats you up, you're not going to congratulate them. I'm a competitor. That's what I do. It doesn't make sense for me to go over and shake somebody's hand."

-Lebron James

So it's been more than a week and a half since the Lebron's errr I mean Cavaliers were eliminated in the Eastern Conference Finals by the Orlando Magic. It's also been more than a week of the barrage of negative publicity Lebron James has received for his perceived immature behavior following May 30th's 103 - 90 loss in Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Finals.

His team had the NBA's best record in the regular season, they were the odds on favorite's to get to the NBA Finals and would be paired with the dream match-up against the Los Angeles Lakers. Kobe vs Lebron. It's what everyone wanted. It's what everyone expected. It's not what happened. You know how it happened. The Cavaliers decided to forget they had the best team defense in the league, forgot how to defend perimeter shots, forgot how to run any play except a high screen with Illgauskas and Lebron. Basically the coach of the year Mike Brown was out-classed, out-matched and out-witted by a Ron Jeremy look alike in Stan Van Gundy.

But, did any sports analyst discuss how in the last four games of that series, the Orlando Magic shot three pointers at a staggering pace, probably never seen before in any series in history? Of course not. The reason? Lebron James. In a matter of 8 days, Lebron James went from hitting one of the most unprecedented shots in NBA playoff history to being labeled as "immature and ingracious" by ESPN analyst Jalen Rose. And why is this? When the buzzer sounded and the Orlando Magic won the deciding game to eliminate Cleveland, Lebron James left the court without shaking hands with his opponents.

ALERT THE MEDIA!!!! LEBRON JAMES DIDN'T SHAKE HANDS!

With the way people are acting about this, you would've thought he went Tonya Harding on Dwight Howard's knee or Gunter Parche on Rashard Lewis (if you don't know who Gunter Parche is, a little history lesson for you, he's the psycho who stabbed Monica Seles on April 30, 1993 during a Tennis match in Hamburg, Germany). What's the big deal about not shaking hands? I know it's a general practice among professional athletes to shake hands after the game, but really, where's the harm in what he did? It's happened before. It'll happen again. Actually, it's not the first time Lebron has even done it. When the Celtics eliminated the Cavaliers last season in the Eastern Conference Finals, guess what? Lebron didn't shake their hands either. And frankly, I don't blame him.

Call him immature, say his behavior is disrespectful to his opponents, spin it however you want it, I liked it. Obviously I'm in the minority on that, since Lebron was fined $25,000 for his infraction. But, I think it was the best thing that could have ever happened. We need more of this. We need more of this in sports. I don't mean being disrespectful to opponents, or being deemed a sore loser. You can be gracious in defeat without having to shake your opponent's hand.

I mean give me a break. Before the game the players are shaking hands, hugging and wishing each other good luck. Then, the game starts and they bust their asses for 2 and a half hours pushing, shoving, trash talking, anything to get the slightest advantage, only to have the game end and the hand shaking and hugging frenzy begins again? Seriously? Does the NBA hypnotize their athletes or something? And it isn't just the NBA, they do it in the NHL and the NFL too. And frankly, I just don't get it.

Alan Hahn of Newsday stated it perfectly last week when he said, "I, was pleased to see the excruciatingly controlled King James show that he does bleed like the rest of us." Put yourself in Lebron James' shoes for a moment. You're the MVP of the league. You're the best player not only on your team, but in the entire league and probably on the entire planet. You play for the best team, you ARE the franchise. You play in Cleveland, a city that hasn't won a championship in nearly 50 years. The weight of the world is on your shoulders. And you lose to a team that nobody really gave a chance to. You come up short, yet again at reaching the pinnacle of success. You work hard every day of your life to win a championship and it gets taken from you. You are tired. You are pissed off and upset that you just lost. You feel like you not only let yourself and your team down, but an entire city. You carry that burden with you. And you're expected to shake hands right away and say "hey, good job kicking my butt all over the place. Go get 'em big guy"? Hardly.

In the NBA today, the players aren't allowed to express any sort of emotion. They're basically robots. They're told what to wear, how to conduct themselves, what to say, what not to say, etc. The pre-game rituals of handshakes and hugging, the post-game handshakes and hugging. It's all contrived.

Basketball may be a game, but it's also their job. It's a competitive job. Look at it this way, if you're working in an office and you're up for this huge promotion, but, there's another 30 people at the office who are up for it as well, are you going to pull out all the stops to get it? Odds are that most of you (myself included) would do anything it takes to get where you need to be. Handshakes are reserved for friendly encounters between individuals. In the game of basketball, with a championship at stake, there should be no room for friendly encounters. In the illustrious words of Shaquille O'neal "winning a championship, takes everything you've got".

That's why I absolutely loved the fact that Lebron James didn't follow the traditions of the sport and have the customary hand shake after the game. He was acting off his emotion. That wasn't contrived, it wasn't the fake hug and smile that you see half these athletes give each other when they could probably care less about most of these guys. I mean give me a break. Half the time after the Laker's win a game, Kobe Bryant probably doesn't recognize who half the guys are on his team he's shaking hands with.

The sporting world needs to get rid of all the lovey-dovey hand shaking and we are the world type behavior. I'm not saying the players should be going out with pitch forks and torches looking to start a riot, but a little feistiness is something every sport could use.

When Roger Federer lost the 2008 Wimbledon Final to Rafael Nadal in arguably one of the greatest Tennis Matches in history, he shook Nadal's hand, as is customary when a tennis match is complete. Do you think he wanted to? After 4 hours and 48 minutes of back and forth grueling action, do you think he wanted to shake his main rivals hand after such an emotionally draining defeat? If you just answered yes to either of those questions, please, just stop reading now and kill yourself, because you may be the antichrist. THERE'S NO WAY HE WANTED TO SHAKE NADAL'S HAND. Of course he respects him, but you cannot tell me after losing in that fashion that he wanted to shake another man's hand when victory was so close to him.

Or what about Tiger Woods? Since I'm not convinced he's even human (I swear to God he's a cyborg sent from the future. They're making Terminator 5: Quest for a Green Jacket next year starring Tiger). Remember him playing on one leg at last year's US Open? Do you think, if after he made that impressive comeback, with all the emotion he exerted, everything he put into his triumphs that day, he'd want to shake Rocco Mediates hand if he had lost? Let's say Tiger doesn't sink that putt to force a playoff and he loses after he had come so far, on one leg, his head crumpled towards the ground and the anger stewing in his stomach; would he want to shake Rocco's hand? Of course not. But would he? You bet he would, because that's what tradition dictates; being gracious and submissive in defeat. Here's a history lesson for you. Do you know who writes history? The winners.

That being said, there are no more true rivalries in sports. Bring back the days of the bad boy Pistons, when the entire Pistons team refused to shake the Chicago Bulls hands in the 1991 playoffs. Bring back the utter hatred Cowboys fans hold for Eagles fans for the fact they cheered when Michael Irvin's career ended (actually, that never left. I hate the entire city of Philadelphia)

People say that the Yankees - Red Sox rivalry is the greatest in sports....Uh, really? It hasn't really been a rivalry since 2004. And I don't mean because the Red Sox ended the curse and won the World Series, but because that's the last time there was even the slightest inkling of dislike between the two franchises. What happened to the days of Yankees Outfielder Jake Powell and Red Sox player-manager Joe Cronin fighting beneath the stands during a game (May 30, 1938). Or the days of Jimmy Piersall and Billy Martin getting into a skirmish before a game in the tunnel (May 24, 1952). That's what makes a rivalry more intense. When you don't like the other team and they don't like you. The brawl Thurman Munson and Carlton Fisk got into on August 1, 1973 is a prime example. Do you think they were shaking hands and having a beer together afterwards? Probably not.

The last time this rivalry had an meat on its bones was truly in Game 3 of the 2003 ALCS when Pedro Martinez hit Karim Garcia which prompted both benches clearing, then later on another bench clearing incident ends with Don Zimmer getting tossed like a lawn dart by Pedro. Those days are long gone. Now you get bombarded with stories of how Dustin Pedroia and Derek Jeter are best friends or that David Ortiz and Robinson Cano hang out together in the off-season. The days of the rivalry being intense are gone. Hell, it's hard to even find reasons to dislike their players. All of the hated enemies of the past are long gone.

Rivalries are dead in sports. Now you just get players hugging and treating each other like they're long lost brothers. Sports are supposed to be intense match-ups pitting competitors against one another. Where has that all gone?

I'm sick of all the camaraderie athletes show one another. You don't have to be best friends to respect someone else. You can be bitter enemies but still respect what they do or what they've accomplished. I don't shake hands when I lose. In fact, I basically do what Lebron James did. I put my head down and leave. Ask my brother, he'll tell you. When he beats me, it doesn't matter if he beat me by 1 or 100, I won't shake his hand.

Does that make me a sore loser? Probably in most eyes it does. But, I don't view myself as being one. Just because I won't shake your hand doesn't mean I don't respect your talents or the fact that you won. It's just not me to shake someone's hand. I think the reason Lebron James doesn't like to shake hands when he loses, is the same reason I don't. By shaking hands, it's almost as if you're admitting the other person is better than you, that they've gotten the best of you. And I won't do that. I've never done it and I never will. You wait and see, Lebron won't either.

This is probably the first and only time in my life that I will ever be able to compare myself to Lebron James, but..

It's hard for me to congratulate somebody after you lose to them. I'm a winner. It's not being a poor sport or anything like that. If somebody beats you up, you're not going to congratulate them. I'm a competitor. That's what I do. It doesn't make sense for me to go over and shake somebody's hand.

Until next time...

More random creativity...

I just had on WFAN (my first mistake) and I decided to hear what Mike Francesa was discussing on his show today (my second mistake) and of course, I had to tune in for his daily "Joba should be in the bullpen" rant. Apparently allowing 3 runs on 4 hits through 6 innings of Yesterday's game is just terrible. Against a depleted Ray's lineup, he should've pitched a no hitter. But, I guess then again, if he had done that Francesa would've beaten Joba to death for walking a better. But, if he had pitched a perfect game, he would've gotten on Joba for using too many pitches or something.

Look, I get it. Francesa wants Joba in the pen. It doesn't matter what Chamberlain does this season, next season or 10 years from now. He could retire as the greatest starting pitcher since Cy Young and Francesa would be sitting in his rocking chair 25 years from now, being given a diet coke intravenously and he'd still say Joba should've been the Yankees set-up man and future closer. If you think I'm being over-zealous, just listen to the man for 10 minutes and you'll have two emotions come over you. 1) You'll want to call up his show and just tell him how much of a moron he is...And you'll try and you'll be on hold for 45 minutes and never get through (Believe me, I go through that same emotion daily) and 2) You'll want to drive to the studio where he does his show and beat him to death with your shoe (Believe me, I've looked up the address and am ready to go whenever you are)

I swear though, Francesa's show is like being addicted to heroin. You know it's bad for you, you know it's going to have harmful effects on your health, but you do it anyway. I know listening to Francesa is bad for me, I know it's going to make me so angry I'll suffer a massive coronary one day. But, I still listen. I'm still hoping for that ONE day that he gets it. That he understands the intricacies of sports and all the knowledge he's missing out on attaining. Do some research Mike. Look up a stat on your own. LISTEN TO OTHER PEOPLE'S OPINIONS! I know I'm not right all the time. Hell, I'm probably wrong 95% of the time, but I don't just shoot down other's opinions. It's maddening to me that every single day Francesa just starts screaming at some guy who calls into his show, simply because his opinion doesn't match his own.

Maybe he's ignorant. Maybe he's thickheaded. Maybe he's too dumb for his own good. Whatever it is, Francesa will never allow somebody else to get their point across without being dismissed and belittled. And frankly, I reached my tipping point at about 3:47pm on June 8th, 2009. It is because of this, that I now present to you, "You give sports a bad name", a parody of the famous Bon Jovi song "You give love a bad name."

Take a look, hum it in your head. It's catchy. It's true. It's because of Mike Francesa that I'm putting off Graduate school work to relay my anger to you, my ranting readers.

Sung to the tune of "You give love a bad name" by Bon Jovi

You give sports a bad name

Pierced through the ears and it's a shame

Mikey, you give sports a bad name

An idiot's knowledge is what you boast

Without Dog, you're just a terrible host

Too much anger, you're such a schmuck

Ya eat too much, you need a tummy tuck

Oh! You weigh a ton, yeah

Oh! And you're just no fun

No one can save you

The show should be done

Pierced through the ears and it's a shame

You give sports a bad name

(Bad name)

Moron's who listen just give you fame

You give sports a bad name

(Bad name)

Hey, you give sports a bad name

Diet Coke's in your dreams

Joba to the pen is all he screams

It's what we need and I ask why

Your sports talk is weak and your humor is dry

Whoa! You weigh a ton

Whoa! And you're just no fun

No one can save you

The show should be done

Pierced through the ears and it's a shame

You give sports a bad name

(Bad name)

Moron's who listen just give you fame

You give sports a bad name

(Bad name)

You give sports, oh!

Oh! Pierced through the ears and it's a shame

You give sports a bad name

Moron's who listen just give you fame

You give sports a bad name

Another Bout of Spur of the Moment Creativity...

With the Yankees and Red Sox starting a 3 game series Tuesday evening in Boston, I felt the need to take another slight jab at their most famed player, David Ortiz. You may remember last week that I wrote a piece on Ortiz, saying in the most subtle way that he's done, it's over, throw the towel in on his career. Well, as of this writing, Ortiz is still batting a woeful .197 with just 2 home runs and 22 runs batted in. I should point out he's now got as many home runs as Milwaukee Brewer's pitcher Yovani Gallardo and fewer runs batted in than Mark Teixeira had in two weeks last month. (Granted, I should point out the little Gnome and reigning American League Most Valuable player Dustin Pedroia only has 2 home runs and 23 runs batted in too...)

Now although the Yankees haven't beaten the Red Sox in 5 attempts yet this season, we are still in first place, albeit by the slimmest of margins. And although this will probably work as a reverse jinx on ressurect the career of David Ortiz and force me to eat crow for every negative word I've written about him, I'm continuing on with this anyway...

In 1987, the band Europe came out with a hit single (no, it's not the Final Countdown...to Daivd Ortiz's career...hahaha get it?)...It was a power ballad called "Carrie" about the end of a relationship. Well, I'm now taking it upon myself to present to you "Papi", a song written for David "Big Papi" Ortiz, from the perspective of Red Sox manager Terry Francona.

(Editors Note: This song is being dedicated to every member of Red Sox Nation)

Sung to the tune of "Carrie" by Europe:

Papi

When ball games start, I see no reason

For you to hit, think about this every day

In every game, all situations

I know you've tried

But please don't ask to play

Can't you see it in your swing

Though this might be your last at bat

Papi

Papi

Your talents gone my friend

Woh ohh

Papi

Papi

Maybe you'll play again

Someday, in Japan

I see you play, with no confidence

In every at bat, I wish you'd sit on the bench

I've taken my time

And shown a lot of patience

You suck now, are you the black Kevin Mench?

Can't you see it in your swing

Though this might be your last at bat

Papi

Papi

Your talents gone my friend

Woh ohh

Papi

Papi

Maybe you'll play again

Someday, in Japan

Ohh

Can't you see it in your swing

Though this might be your last at bat

(ohh ho ho)

Ohh

Papi

Papi

Ohh, your talents gone my friend

Papi, Papi, Papi

(Ohh ho ho)

Papi

Papi

Maybe you'll play again

Someday, in Japan

When ball games start