MIDWEST REGION
Kicking things off in the second we have our #1 seeded Louisville Cardinals taking on the Ohio State Buckeyes. If you remember, the Buckeyes won in the first round by default, thanks to the Saints failure to show. Things are different in this round, since I've learned that a "Buckeye" is a type of tree. We all know birds like to nest. And that's exactly what these Cardinals will do to the Buckeyes. Louisville continues on.
The Midwest region's Utah Ute's line up to face the Wake Forest Demon Deacons. I know the Ute's are an indigenous and illustrious people out in Northern Utah, but there's no tribal dance you can do to quell the onslaught of a Demon Deacon. Wake Forest in a beating.
It seems like our Mountaineers from West Virginia have finally met their match against the North Dakota State Bison. Our group of beefy bison are seemingly coming out of nowhere to put the pressure on opposing forces. North Dakota State crushes the Mountaineers into a cloud of dust.
This is a fight I would pay big money to see. In the final face off of the 2nd round in the Midwest region the 10th seed USC Trojans going up against the 2 seed Michigan Spartans. It's a battle made for pay per view and biblical references. But, like King Leonidas said in the movie 300 "Spartans, prepare for glory". You guys are moving on. Sorry USC, hope you get a better draw next year.
WEST REGION
The UCONN Huskies are looking like they're our first top seed to be eliminated from the Mascot Melee as they get the bad luck of having to face the BYU Cougars in the 2nd round. The Huskies put up a valiant fight, but to no avail. The Cougars had the sharper claws.
And in a matter of seconds, the Mascot Melee loses both pairs of Huskies in the West Region as the Boilermakers from Purdue were just too much for those resilient Huskies of Washington to withstand. It must be that heavy duty metal helmet they have on and the blow torch. Tough break for Washington.
Utah State, the one set of Aggies who were able to prolong their life long enough to get past the Golden Eagles of Marquette in the first round, won't see much daylight in the round of 32 as they are matched up against the 3rd seed Missouri Tigers. Like Montecore did to Roy Horn, these tigers go right for the throat.
Another set of Tigers, this time from Memphis are set to match up with the Golden Bears from California. It would seem like this would be an even fight with a Tigers ferocious behavior complimenting the sheer size and strength of the Bear. But, since California is the Land of Milk and Honey, the Golden Bear felt like he was Winnie the Pooh and over-indulged himself and got stuck in a tree. Memphis is the last of the West region to moves o to the round of 16, albeit virtually unscathed.
EAST REGION
The Pittsburgh Panthers become our 2nd #1 seed to fall at the hands of an opposing mascot. Much like the Huskies of Connecticut, the Panthers fall victim to an opponent who stood in the #8 seeded spot. This time, however, the assailant isn't a Cougar, but a Cowboy. The Oklahoma State Cowboys come out of the gates firing (quite literally mind you) and stop the Panthers dead in their tracks.
#5 seed Florida State Seminoles are set to take on the Xavier Musketeers. While it would seem like the Seminoles would have trouble going up against the weaponry that Xavier possesses, these Native Americans were intelligent enough to realize they should attack when Xavier was loading their muskets. Florida State lives to see the sweet 16.
#6 seed UCLA Bruins facing off against the #3 seed Villanova Wildcats. This is a match-up where legends are made. In this instance however, the Wildcats reign supreme and use their speed and agility to dodge the mounting attacks from the Bruins.
Sorry is in order for all Texas Longhorn fans. Looks like "Hook 'em horns" is going to need to wait another year to see if they can tear down the nets at the Mascot Melee, because the 2 seeded Blue Devils out of Durham, North Carolina make quick work of them. Looks like the Blue Devils have come to fight.
SOUTH REGION
And we meet again North Carolina Tar Heels. You were lucky to face the Radford Highlanders in round 1, but things are looking mighty different for round 2, aren't they? Standing across from you are the LSU Tigers, with a look of determination in their eyes. You can stand there like you have tar stuck to your feet (that's what a Tar Heel is, stupid, right?), but it's all for naught. LSU prevails to the sweet 16.
The 4th seed Gonzaga Bulldogs prevail in a hotly debated contest with the Illinois Fighting Illini. It was hotly debated because Illinois stood around discussing what exactly a "fighting illini" really was. In the ensuing conversation, the bulldogs bit the ankles of Illinois until they were defeated and embarrassed.
The Arizona State Sun Devils and the Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks square off in the 2nd round and from the looks of things, these Devils came for a fight today too, making quick work of these lumberjacks. Sorry Stephen F. Austin faithful, looks like it's back to the wilderness for you.
The surprising run of the 15th seeded Morgan State Bears looks to continue as they take on the Michigan Wolverines. There wasn't even a fight. I heard back from the Big Ten, and they turned down my Wolverine idea and told me to stop calling or they'd alert the authorities, so maybe next year I'll have them hear me out.
THIS CONCLUDES THE ROUND OF 32
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